


The First Cut is the Deepest

by rankwriter



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, Mpreg, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 00:16:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18324857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rankwriter/pseuds/rankwriter
Summary: Summary: Jensen really loved his husband Jeff, and Jeff really loved him back. Everything was perfect until it wasn't.Jared really loves his husband Jeff, and Jeff loves Jared, too. When Jeff's two worlds collide, there will be winners and losers, pain and loss. This is a story about a man who loved two men, lost them through his own stupidity, and his fight to make things right and maybe win back the loves of his life.Contains Jeff courting a young Jensen, being unfaithful and impregnating a young Jared and his desperate attempts to find Jensen after he runs away. Also contains a greedy older man, unexpected pregnancies, angst and three gorgeous men getting it on!





	The First Cut is the Deepest

**Author's Note:**

> This was previously posted but I took it down as it wasn't well-received due to the infidelity element. 
> 
> Written for mpreg bigbang in 2013
> 
> Beta'd by: zelda_addict Any remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> Art by dragynville

 

 

 

                                    

 

Jensen wasn’t one to complain; after all, his life had been perfect, well almost. If only he had managed to get pregnant,  _then_  it would have been perfect, but that had never happened. Mind you, that hadn’t stopped him and his husband, Jeff, from trying; in fact, they tried a lot, but no matter what they did, it just never seemed to take.  

Except for the lack of children, Jensen had been happy; his husband was attentive, loving, and gorgeous. Jeff was older, fifteen years older, but he still looked good, and Jensen could still remember the day that they met. Jensen had taken a job at a crappy car wash. His parents had thrown him out when he finished school, and with no money or scholarships, college was out of the question. Mr. Marks, the father of a school acquaintance, had offered him the job; it paid the minimum wage, and Jensen could barely make ends meet. Then one day Jeff drove in; his car was huge and luxurious, and Jensen took one look at the grizzled older man and fell in love. Jeff, for his part, saw the pretty young man with the sad green eyes and just wanted to take him home and look after him. 

Jeff had courted him with a single-minded determination that was flattering and not at all creepy. He had broken down Jensen’s self-built defenses one by one until Jensen’s only recourse was to admit defeat and go on a date. One date led to two, and before he knew where he was, Jensen was moving his few meager possessions into Jeff’s huge house, he had a promise ring on his finger, and a date was set for the wedding. Jeff was the picture of decorum. Jensen had once admitted to Jeff that he hoped to be a virgin on his wedding night. Immediately realizing what he had said, he had blushed all the way to the tips of his ears, and Jeff had known then that he would marry this boy and spend the rest of his life making him happy. Except for a few kisses and one fevered make out session, Jeff held himself back; the idea that on their wedding night Jensen would give him the gift of his virginity made Jeff feel all warm and protective, and if that made him a sap, then he didn’t care. 

Their wedding night had been both spectacular and awful. Jensen’s nerves were almost a tangible thing, and his mood rubbed off on Jeff. When they left their wedding party, Jensen was shaking, and Jeff was trying his best to put his husband at ease. 

“Sweetheart, you know we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he said, although he wanted nothing more than to throw his beautiful husband down on the bed and spend hours showing him just how much pleasure they could wring from each other’s bodies. Jensen gave him a small smile.

“I’m just nervous, is all,” he replied, taking Jeff’s hand. Jensen’s hand was cool but still damp with sweat, and Jeff looked at him with concern.

“There’s no need to do this tonight; I don’t mind just sleeping in your arms.” The older man smiled.

“Screw that,” Jensen replied. “I want to be well and truly ravished.” He smiled cheekily. “I’m just...nervous,” he repeated and bit his lip in a way that made Jeff want to do all sorts of wicked things to him. “I’m scared it will hurt,” he blurted out, the words running together in the haste in which they were said. 

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m never going to hurt you!” Years later, Jensen would remember that remark and laugh bitterly, thinking that no one had ever hurt him more.

Bringing himself back to the present, Jensen looked out the window of the bus, his eyes barely taking in the passing countryside. He couldn’t remember where the bus was heading; he had walked to the station and just picked the one that was due to depart first. He had left behind his wedding ring, and he found himself looking at the white patch on his finger, a finger that now felt both lighter and heavier. He hadn’t removed his wedding ring once in the eleven years he had been married, and the weight of its loss brought tears to his eyes. 

They said the spouse was always the last to know, and in Jensen’s case, that was true. He had no idea that there were problems in his marriage. Jeff seemed to love him as much, always touching and kissing him, still bringing him those silly little snow globes back from his business trips. Their sex life was still wonderful, at least that’s what Jensen thought; the minute Jeff got home from his trips, they were all over each other. They had been together so long that they knew just where to touch to bring the most pleasure. Jensen wondered whether Jeff had just gotten bored and wanted something new, or was it the fact that the other man was able to provide him with children? Either way, something had been lacking, Jeff had sought out someone else, and Jensen, happily oblivious, had found out in the most innocuous of manners when a visit from a friend had pulled the bottom out of his happy life. 

Jensen’s best friend Chris had taken his boyfriend to Disney World. Steve had been desperate to visit there; he always felt that he had missed out, never having visited as a child, so Chris had finally given in. Jensen knew he really wanted to go himself, but his macho pride made him lay all the blame at Steve’s feet. Steve, for his part, didn’t care; he was just beside himself with excitement. Jeff had left on business; he was away from home so much in the last five years that Jensen was used to it by now, and he hadn’t had the chance to mention to Jeff that Chris had finally caved to Steve’s demands. If he had, maybe he would never have found out. 

Jensen was woken at five am by a loud pounding on the door, and with his heart beating overtime, he dragged himself out of bed to answer it. Chris and Steve were on his doorstep with matching devastated looks on their faces.

“What’s happened; why are you back so early?”

“Let’s go in and sit down,” said Chris, and his tone of voice and manner ratcheted Jensen’s panic up a notch, but he was unwilling to argue, so they moved to the lounge and sat down.

“Jensen,” Chris started, then looking down at his hands he hesitated. “Crap, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Jeff is cheating on you.” He pushed his iPhone into Jensen’s hands.

The photo on the screen was Jeff with his arm around a tall, pretty man who had longish dark hair, sparkling eyes, and dimples. That wasn’t even the worst part; Jeff was holding a baby in his arms. The baby, less than a year old, was looking at Jeff with the intensity that young babies always manage; hanging onto his leg was another child, a toddler really, his face messy with leftover ice cream, and yet another child was holding the tall man’s hand. They looked for all the world like a happy family, and Jensen’s stomach dropped. He looked up at Chris.

“What is this?” he asked brokenly, and Chris just shrugged.

“There are more pictures,” he mumbled, and so Jensen moved through the photos, each one more incriminating than the last. Jeff kissing the baby, Jeff cuddling the toddler, Jeff taking the older child to the bathroom; if that didn’t suggest that they were related, he didn’t know what would, and then finally, Jeff smooching the man, his hand low on his ass. There was no way that was just a friendly kiss.

“Who is he?” asked Jensen finally; his voice was thin and breathy. His heart was broken, yet he could still speak, breathe, and function.

“We followed them to the hotel and managed to get out of the receptionist that the man is Jared Morgan; apparently, they are married and live in Las Vegas,” Chris said. He looked at Jensen, and concern was clear in his eyes.

“Oh, so he has another husband; that’s not legal is it?”

“Well, the law’s a bit vague on that.” Chris sighed at the non sequitur. “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing,” Jensen finally replied. “I need to know more before I decide, and I don’t want you to say anything, either,” he said firmly. “I need to know more about this Jared; I want to know how long they’ve been together and whether those kids are Jeff’s, and then I’ll decide what to do.”

Chris didn’t look happy, but Steve smiled reassuringly. “OK, Jen, let us know if we can help.”

“You can, actually; do you know how to trace this Jared?”

Jensen felt like his world had ended, and in a way it had; the life he thought he had was built on lies and deception, and he wanted nothing more than to go to his room, crawl into bed, and cry until he had no more tears. In fact, he thought that he would like to get into bed and sleep until doomsday, and then he would never have to face the fact that his husband was a lying, cheating pile of excrement, and that he had probably never loved Jensen at all. Instead of doing any of those things, Jensen set about finding out as much as possible about his rival. A few phone calls later, Steve had found out quite a lot about the former Mr. Jared Padalecki.

“He’s twenty-six.” So he was five years younger than Jensen. “He’s only ever held down menial jobs, and he married Jeff when he was twenty-one,” Steve announced. God, he was a mirror image of Jensen; maybe Jeff liked a new model every few years or so. “The kids are Jesse, aged four, Daisy, aged three, and the baby is Daniel; he was born six months ago. Jeff is listed as the father.” Ouch, his broken heart cracked just a little more at that. 

“I don’t understand,” said Chris, mirroring Jensen’s exact feelings. “He loves you; that’s plain to see, yet...” He looked at one of the photos; Jeff was looking into Jared’s eyes, and there was love there, too. Jensen hardened his heart.

“Send me those photos would you? Then if you don’t mind, I need to think.”

So, after sending the photos, Steve and Chris took their leave, and Jensen started making plans. At first, he considered making a visit to see Jared, but what would the point of that be; it would purely rub salt in the wounds. He didn’t know if Jared was innocent in all this, but what he did know was that Jared had kids, Jeff’s kids, and if Jensen wasn’t in the picture, then Jeff could live with his kids and be a real family. Jensen didn’t think that he owed Jeff anything, but those kids, they deserved a proper family, one that would love and nurture them, and that made Jensen surplus to the requirement. 

Finally, he spent some time going through his wardrobe, removing the clothes he entered the relationship with, old jeans, worn t-shirts, and used up trainers, and packing his decrepit backpack. Slipping off his ring and watch, he left them on the bedside table and went to the front room and removed all the photos from the frames. Pictures of him and Jeff on their wedding day and others from various vacations all had one thing in common, Jeff and Jensen looking at each other as if there was no one else in the world. Of course, by the time some of these photos were taken, Jeff already had a new husband and houseful of kids. Despite that, he slipped them into his backpack; maybe one day he would be able to remember his time with Jeff without feeling like he had been stabbed through the heart.

Jensen briefly visited his studio. Jeff had remodeled a room especially for Jensen and had been so excited when he showed it to him for the first time. Jensen felt a brief tinge of regret that he wouldn’t be able to take all of the canvases with him, but he took his favorite brushes, and just as he was about to leave, he turned around and removed one of the paintings from the drying rack. It was a beautiful portrait of Jeff; he was wearing his work shirt, but it was undone, and his tie was hanging loose around his neck. With a sigh, he removed it from the wooden frame, rolled it, and nestled it safely within his rucksack. Finally, removing all the credit cards from his wallet and the key from his ring, he left those along with his iPhone and exited the house.

 

 

 

 

“Did you see those guys?” Jared asked as he nuzzled his husband’s neck.

“What guys?”Jeff asked, distracted by the warm smell of his gorgeous husband.

“Daisy, Jesse, don’t you go running off now,” Jared ordered. “Hmm, just two guys who were looking at us; I could have sworn one of them took some photos.”

“What!” said Jeff, pushing Jared away and looking around; he couldn’t see anyone he knew, but that didn’t mean that someone hadn’t seen him. “What did they look like?”

“I dunno, one was short with long blondish hair, and the other was a bit taller and blonder.”

“Crap, I’ve...” He handed the baby to Jared. “I’ve just remembered something I have to do.”

Then he was off running, reaching into his pocket for his phone, his finger already on speed dial for Jensen.

“Hey,” came his husband’s deep voice “shouldn’t you be making us a lot of money?” he teased.

“Aww, sweetheart, I just wanted to hear your voice.” Jeff felt a hitch in his chest. He knew that once Jensen found out about Jared and the kids it would all be over; he felt weighed down by the knowledge.

“So, what are you wearing?” Jensen purred, and Jeff choked out a laugh.In all their years together, the sex had been outstanding; whether it was passionate, desperate, needy, or loving, Jensen always managed to instill it with his own brand of humor. Jeff loved Jensen with all his heart, and to this day he couldn’t work out how he had ended up one night taking a young and virginal Jared to his bed. He blamed the alcohol, and really, that should have been the end of it all, one small aberration in many years of fidelity. Then Jared had come to him, pregnant, and Jeff didn’t know what to do for the best. So that was how Jeff had ended up married to two gorgeous men. He hadn’t meant to fall in love with Jared; he had just wanted to make sure he and the baby were alright. Jared’s parents were religious, and so marriage was the only acceptable alternative. Spending time with the bright, young man and helping him through his pregnancy had been a bonding experience, and before he knew it, he was in love and so completely conflicted. All he knew was that he couldn’t live without either of them. He knew he was being unfair, but what could he say? Life had thrown him a curve ball, and Jeff was handling it as best he could.

“You know I love you, sweetheart; I don’t ever want you to doubt it.”

“What’s up, Jeff; you sound strange?”

“I’m OK, just missing you.” Jeff could hear his name being shouted and knew Jared was gaining on him. “I have to go now,; love you.”

“Love you, too; come home soon.” Jeff’s heart broke just a little. 

“Jeff, what the fuck?” Jared said and then looked guiltily at the two older children.

“Daddy said a bad word,” Daisy said, her big, brown eyes wide with shock.

“Sorry,” Jared mumbled. “Jeff, what the h...heck is going on?”

“Nothing, I just need to get back to the office, is all; I think those guys taking photos may be involved in industrial espionage,” Jeff said, thinking on his feet. He knew it didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but Jared didn’t know a lot about the company, so he hoped to get away with it. He needed to get home before Chris got to Jensen. 

“OK,” said Jared. his eyes were suspicious, though, but Jeff thought he was home free until there was a piercing scream, and turning, they saw that Jesse had taken a tumble and managed to cut his head open on a concrete step. 

“Oh God, Jesse!” screamed Jared, rushing to gather him up in his arms. The little boy’s head had a cut about two inches long that was gaping and bleeding profusely. Jeff ripped his t-shirt and pushed it against the wound, applying pressure to staunch the bleeding. 

“We need to get him to a hospital,” said Jeff, and although he was worried for his boy, he knew he would be OK, but he also knew in his heart that he had missed his chance to speak to Jensen and that once Chris had spilled the beans, Jensen would be gone. His husband had a history of running when he was hurt, and this would be the biggest hurt of all.

“Daddy,” Jesse cried, “I’m sorry.”

“Shush, it’s OK, little man; let’s get you to the hospital so the doctor can fix you up.” He smiled at his son, so perfect in his arms, and wondered what Jensen’s children would have looked like. If only Jensen had managed to have a baby, maybe just maybe things would have been different, but Jeff chased away those traitorous thoughts. He had a family, a beautiful family, and it may not have come about in a traditional way, but he loved them all the same. If he lost Jensen, he didn’t know how he would cope with that. The truth was he needed all of them, Jared, Jensen, and the children. He was a greedy man -- his mom had always said that.

 

 

 

 

Jared rushed to the car, tailing his husband, who was gently cradling their eldest son. Something was going on with Jeff, but Jared couldn’t work out what it was.

“You drive,” Jeff ordered as he hustled Daisy into the back, then getting in with her and resting Jesse on his knee. Jared strapped Daniel in the baby seat and drove off, only stopping at the gate to get directions to the nearest hospital.

Jesse needed five stitches, but the doctors were optimistic that there would be no scarring. Jared felt like he could breathe again; he went to his husband and threw his arms around his neck, but Jeff was strangely stiff and unresponsive. 

Raising an eyebrow quizzically, he asked “You OK?”

“Yeah.” Jeff sighed; he should be grateful, hell he was grateful, but there was an emptiness in the pit of his stomach that he knew could only be filled by one man. 

“I just need to make a call.” He wandered down the corridor, hit speed dial, and wasn’t at all surprised when Jensen didn’t answer. He wondered then, if it came down to him having a choice between his two wonderful men, who he would choose, Jared or Jensen? At the beginning, before the children, it would have been a no-brainer, but now - well, it wasn’t like he would be given the choice anyway. He turned and walked back to Jared, who was busy cooing to the baby. 

“Come on, let’s get back to the hotel.”

Jared wrangled the kids into the car. Jesse was proudly showing off his scar to Daisy and regaling her with details of the treatment he received. She listened to her brother wide-eyed; she was a little in awe of him anyway. 

“You OK to drive, baby?” Jared asked, watching his husband; something was going on, but Jared wasn’t sure what. Jeff’s mood seemed melancholy, and surely now that it was certain that Jesse was going to be OK, he should be relieved. It was almost as if the man had suffered a loss. Jared determined that he was going to get to the bottom of it, but nagging wasn‘t going to get him anywhere -- he’d have to be a little sneakier than that.

“Even with Jesse’s accident, I was glad we were able to get away,” Jared said. “You work too hard. I wish we could spend more time together as a family, especially now that the kids are getting older; they need their dad.”

Jeff threw a look at him; his expression was unreadable, and Jared wondered whether he had made an error in judgment by bringing that up. Since this afternoon and the incident with those strange men, Jeff’s mood had been unpredictable. It was almost as if he was a different man, and the thought put Jared on edge. 

Jeff had been his anchor since they had met in that crappy bar; he had been the first man Jared had let touch him in that way. In fact, if Jared hadn’t gotten so drunk that night and let Jeff fuck him, he wondered whether they would be together now. He had been a stupid boy, letting a stranger fuck him unprotected, but he had been so depressed when he had broken up with his boyfriend. Ironically enough, his boyfriend had dumped him because Jared wouldn’t ‘put out’ as he so diplomatically put it; then mere hours and a half a bottle of Jack later, Jared was putting out for a complete stranger. It was lucky, he thought later, that Jeff had taken him to his hotel, or else he would never have been able to find him once he had realized that he was pregnant. Jeff hadn’t been pleased at all, but he had asked Jared what he wanted to do and made no demands, offering only support. When Jared had told him he wanted to have the baby, Jeff had offered financial assistance, and Jared had hoped that would be enough, but his family demanded that Jared marry, and Jeff had complied, even though Jared could tell his heart wasn’t in it. Jared hadn’t wanted to lose his family, so he had gone through with the small, rushed wedding, and in the long run, it had been the best thing that had happened to Jared. As time passed, Jeff settled into the relationship, too. They had fallen in love and produced two more beautiful children. The only fly in the ointment was Jeff had to travel a lot for work, and sometimes Jared felt like a single parent. 

Looking over at his husband, Jared felt a pang of longing so intense it took his breath away. He loved Jeff so much, and whatever was troubling him, Jared would make it his life’s work to make him happy again. He reached over and took Jeff’s hand, and Jeff managed a small, sad smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bus stopped in the middle of a small town, if it could even be called that. There was a single dusty road with a few rundown stores abutting it. A small bar and a diner made up the rest of the commercial properties, and Jensen made his way into the diner, hoping they had a special available; he needed to save his money until he got a job. Inside the diner was so much nicer than the outside; the counter and fittings were old but well cared for, the Formica top and chrome accents gleaming. Jensen sat at the counter; a few locals gave him disinterested looks and then went back to their conversations or food as Jensen perused the menu. An older gentleman made his way over to Jensen with a coffee pot in hand, and Jensen nodded.

“What’s good?” he enquired.

“It’s all damn good if I say so myself, but the bacon cheeseburger is very popular.”

“Hmm, I’ll have that then,” Jensen said with a smiled, the thought of a good burger lightening his mood, “fries, and a chocolate shake, please.” He didn’t need to watch his diet now; he didn’t have a husband to impress, and he wasn’t trying to get pregnant anymore. 

“Just passing through?” asked the man as he poured coffee into the white, ceramic mug.

Jensen looked at him. “I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “What are the chances of me finding a job around here?”

“Running from something?” the man asked, his eyes inquisitive.

“From someone,” Jensen admitted and couldn’t help but look at the white mark on his ring finger. 

“Jim Beaver,” the man said, holding out his hand, his eyes soft with sympathy.

“Jensen.” They shook hands, and Jim looked at Jensen thoughtfully.

“Do you cook?’

“Used to cook for my husband all the time.” Jensen smiled. “Not exactly cordon bleu, though.”

Jim snorted. “Does this place look like it serves cordon bleu? We need a short order cook; well, really we need a jack of all trades, someone who can pitch in serving, cooking, and clearing up.”

Jensen perked up; could he really be this lucky?

“Would you consider a city boy for the job?” he asked with a smile on his face.

“Well, why don’t I give you a tryout; you can see if you like it, and we’ll see how you fit in?”

Just like that, Jensen had a job, but there was one thing worrying Jensen, and although he had only just met Jim, he felt safe with him, so he took the bull by the horns and said, “Jim, I do have one problem.” He looked down and traced the pattern on the countertop with his finger. “I’m worried my husband may come looking for me, and I really don’t want him to find me.”

“Did he hurt you?” Jim asked, his eyes flashing with anger.

“No, nothing like that — well, not  _physically_  anyway,” Jensen told Jim the story, explaining how wealthy Jeff was and how if he set his mind to finding Jensen, then he would find him. Jim just smiled. “We need to visit Chad.” His smile was so broad and his eyes flashed with such merriment, it turned his plain, homely face into something else; he was almost handsome, and his joy was contagious. “Come on, Jen,” he said, “you’re in for a treat. Hey, Tom, cover the counter!” he yelled.

Jim drove them out of town and into the desert. Jensen was just wondering whether or not it had been a good idea getting into a truck with a virtual stranger when they came upon a rundown trailer parked in the middle of nowhere. Pulling up outside, Jim jumped out and was yelling,  
“Chad, you old bastard, open up!” before Jensen had managed to open the passenger side door.

A scruffy blond opened the trailer door and squinted out at them.

“Quit yer hollerin’,’’ he moaned as one hand scratched his groin. “Who’s yer pretty friend?”

Jensen bristled, his back straightening; he didn’t like being called pretty.

Jim sniggered and then pulling himself together he said, “this is Jensen, and we need your help.”

Two hours later, Jim and Jensen were on their way back to town. Jensen’s pockets felt heavier, as they contained the fruits of their mission– A new driver’s license, Social Security card, and two credit cards, both with hefty balances, all in the name Jack Adams. Jensen wasn’t sure how Chad had achieved such technological miracles, but Jensen’s eyes had widened, and he still hadn’t recovered. The credit cards were the icing on the cake; at least Jensen would be able to survive until his first paycheck. 

“Feelin’ better?” asked Jim.

Jensen turned to Jim and as he did was surprised to realize that he did; the heavy stone that had taken up residence in his stomach ever since he had heard about Jeff was all but gone. Action, it seemed, was the cure to a broken heart. Jensen smiled and nodded. He wasn’t foolish enough to think that getting over eleven years of marriage would be as simple as running away, but for the moment, he felt OK, and he allowed himself a small smile.

“Now, I just have to find somewhere to live,” Jensen said, almost to himself. An odd look swept over Jim’s face, and he turned and smiled at Jensen.

“I really am the answer to your prayers today. There’s a small apartment over the diner; you can have it if you keep an eye on the place. We had a break in a while back, and the insurers would be a whole lot happier if someone lived onsite.”

Jensen felt his shoulders relax; he had thought that finding somewhere to live that was reasonably priced would be a chore. 

“I can really live there?” he asked incredulously.

“Don’t get excited; it’s a bit of a dump and probably needs a lot of work. To be honest, you’ll be doing me a favor. Besides, I pay crap wages, and this’ll stop me feelin’ guilty.”

He cast Jensen an innocent look.

“Thank you; I could kiss you.” Jensen beamed.

“None of that, boy; I don’t swing that way,” Jim grumbled.

“Good to know. I’ll make sure I don’t get drunk and make inappropriate passes at you then.”

Jim snorted.

“We’re gonna get on just fine.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Daisy, check the bathroom and make sure we’ve got everything. Jesse, check under the beds; I don’t want to get home and find we’ve left something behind,” Jared ordered as he zipped up the suitcase, eyeing Jeff across the room. His husband looked shellshocked and had for the last couple of days. Jared thought that maybe he had some troubles at work, but whatever it was, Jeff wasn’t talking. 

“Jeff, honey, are you ready? We need to leave now if we’re gonna make the plane.”

Jeff looked up, startled; his eyes came back into focus, making Jared wonder where he’d been in that head of his. Jeff smiled a small, fake smile that didn’t reach his eyes and nodded, moving to the bed to help Jared with the suitcase. Watching him, Jared realized he even walked like every movement was an effort, and Jared felt a tingle of trepidation move through his body and settle as a heavy lump in his stomach. 

“You OK?” Jared asked softly as he hugged Jeff, only to feel him stiffen in his arms until he finally relaxed, and then to Jared’s horror, his body started to quake as Jeff began sobbing. Jared hung on, afraid to let go and not really knowing what to say. Eventually, the quaking stopped, and Jared could hear sniffling as Jeff pulled away. He looked at Jared, red-eyed, and opened his mouth as if to talk but then just shook his head. 

“Daddy,” Jesse asked, pulling on Jeff’s trousers, “why you sad?” Jeff reached down and lifted his son up.

“I don’t know,” he said, but Jared could see the lie in his face. “I just feel a little sad today; maybe it’s because our holiday is over.” 

Jesse’s face crumbled. ‘“’M sad, too; I wanna stay.”

“Maybe we’ll come back next year,” he said, and that made the little boy smile.

The plane ride back was traumatic; Jared spent most of the time just wanting to ask Jeff what was going on. His stomach was roiling, and the excess acid caused by his nerves was painful. At least he had the kids to distract him. Trying to sort out the bickering of the elder two was almost a full-time job. 

Once back at home, Jared threw the windows open to try and ease the stale smell that had taken residence while they had been away and at the same time sneaking sly looks at his husband. Jeff was trying really hard to be upbeat but failing; his hangdog expression just made Jared want to hug him until he cracked a smile. Jared knew he was due to leave on business the next day, so he had to find out what was going on tonight.

The kids were exhausted, so it was fairly easy to get them off to bed quite early. The baby had practically fallen asleep in his highchair eating his supper. Once they were all settled and stories had been read, Jared and Jeff settled in the lounge. 

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jared asked, his tone brooking no argument. Jeff looked up and caught his gaze; Jared saw something flicker across his features, but it happened so quickly he couldn’t catalog it. 

“Just some troubles at work,” Jeff answered, flashing a smile that seemed almost authentic. In fact, if Jared didn’t know him so well, he would have been fooled

“Jeff,” he cajoled.

Sighing, Jeff said, “It’s nothing for you to worry about; I’m going to sort it out this week.” His voice was adamant and his gaze steely, so when he got up and moved to Jared, taking him in his arms, Jared didn’t argue. Their lips met, and Jeff kissed him as if it was the last time. He consumed him; the lovemaking that followed was more intense than anything Jared had ever experienced, and although it was wonderful, it left him feeling disconcerted, as if he had forgotten something and it was just on the tip of his tongue.

The following morning, Jeff left after kissing him briefly. He looked fine in his suit and tie, but not only was his manner was calmer and almost accepting, he looked, Jared scrabbled for the right word, almost beatific. There was a serenity about him that put Jared on edge, but then he was gone, and Jared’s day was taken up with school runs and diapers and feedings, and the uneasy thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind. 

 

 

 

 

Of course, Jeff didn’t go straight to the office; he went home, home to his and Jensen’s house. It had been Jeff’s house initially, and then Jensen moved in and it became theirs. He opened the door slowly, his hand trembling; even though he knew what he would find, he couldn’t help but hope...

The house had that stale, unused air about it, and Jeff realized his worst fears had come to pass, but just in case, “Jensen,” he called as he put his keys on the hall table. There was no reply; he didn’t really expect one. He moved through the house quickly, opening doors; coming upon the lounge and taking in the empty photo frames, he started to run to the bedroom, and there he found the wedding ring and credit cards. The trembling became worse, and the feeling that he had caused all this himself weighed him down. He was only slightly surprised to find himself on the floor; the tears were falling relentlessly. Although he was crying for himself and his loss, he was also crying for Jensen and for the pain he had caused the beautiful man he loved more than life itself. His own stupidity, weakness, and greed had caused this. Shivering on the floor, Jeff took a look at his life. He had known, really, that it was only a matter of time; what did he expect that Jensen would say that it was OK, that he was happy to share his husband with another man, another family? God, Jeff groaned and put his head in his hands; if Jensen found out about the children, he would be devastated! 

When they met, Jensen had made no bones about the fact that he wanted children, a houseful. He wanted a family, and his enthusiasm had been contagious, and before Jeff knew it, they were trying for children, not that he minded; the fringe benefits were awesome. But no matter what they tried, Jensen didn’t fall pregnant. Then, of course, there were doctors and invasive procedures, but there didn’t seem to be any reason for the lack of conception. Various rounds of IVF followed, and with each, Jensen became less and less happy. He tried to hide it of course; he was always a pleasure to come home to, smiling, playful, and seductive, but the light in his eyes died just a little each time the pee strip didn’t turn pink. Just a month ago, Jensen had made an announcement.

“I’m not going to try anymore; it’s soul destroying.” He was standing up straight, his shoulders squared as if Jeff may disagree and he would have to fight for this. Jeff was secretly pleased; he didn’t know how many more failures Jensen could stand. He didn’t answer, just took his husband in his arms and held him tight. He could feel the tears on his shoulder but didn’t comment, just squeezed Jensen as if he would never let him go. Hell, he hoped Jensen didn’t think it was because of his failure to get pregnant that this whole fiasco had arisen. 

Groaning, Jeff forced himself off the floor and dragged himself to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, he could barely recognize himself. Rubbing his hand over his chin and feeling the stubble there, then looking in his eyes, all he could see was a lost boy. Although he was now in his forties and the lines on his face attested to that fact, his eyes looked scared and young. He knew he should get to the office, but first, he just wanted to grab something of Jensen’s, something to remember him by. He went through the laundry basket and found a t-shirt, yet to be washed; Jensen’s scent was still strong, a mixture of his cologne, sweat, and the sweet smell of Jensen that was indefinable. 

Jeff drove to the office, but afterwards, he didn’t remember the journey and wondered how he had made it in one piece. Jensen’s t-shirt was on the passenger seat, and he left it there, as he knew his staff would think it weird if he carried it in with him. 

“Get Rosenbaum on the phone,” he demanded as he swept through the office, avoiding his staff; his assistant just nodded, but Jeff was already closing his office door. The phone rang minutes later.

“Rosenbaum, sir,” said his assistant, Tom was his name; he was efficient and had helped Jeff keep his two lives separate for many years. Jeff wondered sometimes what the young man thought of him, but Tom was always completely diplomatic. 

“Put him through. Mike,” he said as he was connected, “I need you to find someone for me.”

“Who would that be?” his investigator enquired.

“Jensen.” Jeff heard a spluttering on the line.

“How did you manage to lose your husband?”

Jeff sighed. “It’s a long story.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jim was right– the apartment was a bit of a dump. Jensen sneezed for the umpteenth time as he finished sweeping the floor, and turning, surveyed the room. The apartment was open plan, one large room comprising a sleeping area, living area, and kitchen with a bathroom tucked away in one corner. It was spacious and now much cleaner; the furniture, however, left a lot to be desired. Jensen’s shoulders slumped as he glanced at the couch. He’d given it a good vacuuming and had scrubbed some of the worst stains off it, but he couldn’t deny it had seen better days. He needed a throw and a rug and some other bits and pieces to make the place look homely. He wondered whether Jim would lend him his truck or drive him to Phoenix. With a sigh, he plonked himself down on the couch and thought back to his lovely home, then chastised himself; it had never really been his home. Jeff had lived there first, bought it, decorated it, and as it turned out, Jensen was only a guest, a guest that overstayed his welcome. 

It had been so simple, meeting a guy, a good guy it seemed, being courted and romanced to within an inch of his life, falling for Jeff, and then marrying him. It was such an organic thing; it seemed like it was meant to be, and Jensen still couldn’t work out where it had all gone wrong. Jeff could still make his toes curl, even twelve years down the line – why couldn’t he still hold Jeff’s interest? Pulling his legs up, Jensen folded himself until his head rested on his knees, unconsciously making himself as small as possible, wishing he could disappear altogether. He was suddenly aware that his knees were damp; he was crying again. Taking a deep cleansing breath, he unfurled himself and went in search of Jim. Keep moving, keep doing was his mantra; as long as he was occupied, there was no room for Jeff to sabotage his thoughts.

You didn’t live with a man for the best part of twelve years without him leaving an indelible impression. Jeff, well, he had been everything to Jensen: a lover, a friend, and a mentor. He had encouraged Jensen to go to college – hell, he’d paid for it! Jensen knew in his heart that he was a better man for having known Jeff, emotionally, intellectually, even physically. Now though, all those attributes that Jeff had helped build up were crumbling. Jensen knew he had lost weight, that he had bags under his eyes, and his moods were all over the place; hell, he even felt like his brain had dissolved into cream cheese or something. He was forgetting things left and right. What he couldn’t forget, though, was how tender and loving Jeff had been, from the beginning of the relationship right through to the end. There had never been any reason to doubt him, no furtive phone calls, no secret texts or emails, nothing. It was that fact more than anything that confused Jensen, and although he tried to fill his days with busy work, his mind still wandered and went over and over the minutiae of their relationship. 

From the mundane to the erotic, Jeff was always with him, infiltrating his mind. The first time they’d had sex often played in a loop in his head, the memory both sweet and poignant. Jeff had taken such time with him, preparing him, caressing and kissing him into mindless oblivion. He’d still cried after, to his chagrin, and to this day, he couldn’t tell you why. The whole situation had just overwhelmed him; his love for Jeff had been all consuming. 

Shaking off the thoughts, Jensen took a deep breath; he had to do something, or he would sit here all day dwelling on the past, and at this moment in time, that brought him nothing but pain. Letting himself out of the apartment, he went in search of Jim.

  
  
Something was different. 

 

 

 

Jared got up and walked to the window; he had been unable to settle all day. The kids were with his mom, and he would have normally enjoyed the bit of freedom that allowed, but today he needed them, needed the distraction of them. Jeff’s behavior before he left this time was playing on Jared’s mind. Something was amiss, but Jared couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

His relationship with Jeff had been awkward in the beginning. First, of course had been the novelty of an unexpected one night stand, but then the unplanned pregnancy and the shotgun wedding had been upsetting. Jeff had been kind and concerned for his welfare. He had looked out for Jared, and he obviously wanted him sexually, but there had been no love. Jared couldn’t fool himself into believing that love had colored Jeff’s decision. That had come later, slowly and organically. Jared wondered whether that was the best way; they had tiptoed around each other, learning snippets about the other’s life. Respect and affection evolved into love and need. Now, Jared couldn’t imagine his life without Jeff.

Switching on the TV, Jared sat for a while, but he couldn’t sit still, and if asked, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you what show he was ‘watching’. With a huff, he picked up his phone and was about to press speed dial for Jeff when there was a knock on the door. To be honest, Jared was glad of the interruption. Jeff didn’t appreciate ad hoc calls; he had made it clear that Jared should only disturb him in an emergency. Being out of sorts wasn’t really an emergency, Jared thought as he opened the door to two strangers. 

“Hello,” he said, hoping they weren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses or some other door to door religion.

“Jared Morgan?” asked the shorter guy; he was stocky with long, dirty blond hair.

“Yes?” Jared replied, framing his answer like a question.

The guy sighed and shuffled his feet, he looked uncomfortable.

“Look, I don’t buy from door to door salesmen,” Jared said and started to close the door.

“We’re not here to sell you anything; it’s just awkward, that’s all.” He looked at his companion. “Look, it might be better if you let us in.”

No way in hell was Jared letting these two in; they looked odd, sketchy even. Jared wondered whether they were on drugs or something, but as he caught the shorter one’s eye, he knew that wasn’t true. Sure, the man was uncomfortable, but there was something else going on here, and Jared knew in his heart that this was not going to be good. 

“I’d rather not let strangers into my house, no offense. Can you just tell me whatever it is that you want me to know?” Jared huffed, his patience wearing thin as his fear level increased. Jared was eyeing the shorter man, but it was the other man that finally spoke, his tone heavy with exasperation.

“Look, Jared, I’m sure you’re a nice enough man; in fact, I’m sure you’re innocent in all this, but your husband...” His voice caught on that word, and Jared’s eyes flew to his, and what he saw there made the blood in his veins turn to ice water. Jared didn’t know how he stayed standing; he grabbed the door post just in case. “He’s something else entirely. Are you sure you want to do this on the doorstep?” Admitting defeat, Jared shook his head and let the visitors in.

“Nice house,” muttered the shorter man as he looked at the family photos with barely disguised contempt.

“Look, what is it you want to tell me?” Jared snapped as he stared at his two visitors.

“Jared, I’m Steve, and my rude companion is Chris, and we’re good friends of your husband, or at least we thought we were.”

“What? But I’ve never met you.”

“Yeah, well, we never knew you existed, either,” said the shorter guy, Chris was it?

Steve sat down and pulled Chris with him, so Jared took the other couch.

“We’ve known Jeff for twelve years since he started dating our best friend.” Jared relaxed. Ah, they were friends of one of Jeff’s old lovers; that made sense. Jeff wouldn’t want to introduce them if he thought Jared would be jealous.

“I was best man at his wedding,” the man continued.

“What? Jeff wasn’t married before?” Jared blurted out. He caught Steve’s eye, and his breath caught when he saw the sympathy there. He felt his heart rate ratchet up; it was tripping over itself, irregular, and he could feel sweat beading on his temples. He wondered abstractly as darkness took him, could you really die from a broken heart?

 

 

 

It was nearly time to return home to Jared and the kids. Thank God, thought Jeff; his life was empty here, and he needed a distraction. He knew it was cruel to think of Jared in that way, but his heart was full of Jensen. 

He’d checked into a hotel, as he couldn’t bear staying in the empty house. Too much of Jensen was in each and every room. He had walked about the house, his stomach heavy with disgust, disgust with himself.

“Tom, get Rosenbaum for me,” Jeff ordered, cradling his head in his hands. His head was pounding. The phone rang moments later. 

“Mike, got anything for me?”

Jeff’s question was met with silence. Jeff knew if Mike had managed to get anything, he would have already called.

“No, he seems to have disappeared without a trace. There’s been no action on his cards or cellphone. I’ve got no leads.” Jeff could hear the sigh down the phone line. 

“Chris and Steve, do they know anything? They won’t talk to me.” For obvious reasons, thought Jeff.

“They won’t talk to me, either; I’ve tried calling them a few times. Next on my list is to visit them.”

“Mike, find him for me,” Jeff said, and he couldn’t keep the desperation out of his voice. 

“I won’t stop until I find him,” the PI promised. 

After hanging up the phone, Jeff tried calling Jared to let him know that he was on the way home. Surprisingly, there was no answer. Jared must be out, he thought. 

The plane journey was boring as usual. Jeff found that his mind wandered back to his husband Jensen. If only he had turned Jared down that night, then none of this would have happened, but then he wouldn’t have his children or Jared, sweet Jared, who had charmed him and managed to get under his skin. Jared, who had made Jeff fall in love with him. Yes,) he loved Jared, but he loved Jensen, too. He needed them both. Would he be able to make a happy life with Jared alone? Jeff sighed out loud, and the woman next to him gave him a strange look. 

The taxi ride home seemed to take forever; Jeff tapped his fingers on the seat, willing the miles to pass quicker. Pulling up outside their house, Jeff felt the weight in his chest lighten. Jumping out of the cab, he just managed to stop and throw a couple of twenties at the driver. Running up the path, Jeff put his key in the lock and opened the door. The house was quiet, which was surprising, as the children should have been home from school.

“Jared?” 

There was no reply. Confused, Jeff started checking some of the rooms. Sitting room, empty. Dining room, empty, and so on until he reached the kitchen, and there was Jared, sitting at the table, a glass of whiskey in his hand and a cigarette burning in the ashtray. Jeff’s eyebrows hit his hairline. He had never seen his husband smoking. Jared looked up, and Jeff could see that his husband looked awful. His hair was greasy, his skin looked sallow, and his eyes were bloodshot.

“What’s the matter?” Jeff asked as he rushed to his husband’s side, all sorts of terrible scenarios running through his mind. 

Jared looked at Jeff, his eyes hard. “Who’s Jensen?” The bottom fell out of Jeff’s world for the second time in a fortnight.

 

 

 

 

Jensen managed to persuade Jim to take him to Scottsdale. Jim had some errands to run, and while he was doing that, Jensen bought some bedding, a throw for the couch, some paint, and some cushions. It wasn’t like he was an interior designer or anything, but he had enjoyed redecorating the house he had shared with Jeff. Redecorating the apartment would be more of a cosmetic enterprise, as the paintwork had yellowed and was in desperate need of updating. Jensen was looking forward to the challenge.

Back in the truck on their way back to town, Jensen lay his head against the window and thought how much his life had changed. He was his own boss now, not that Jeff had been controlling, but Jensen had been constantly aware of Jeff and his needs. Now, he only had himself to please. Thinking of Jeff always led to a physical reaction. Before it would have caused arousal; Jensen’s attraction to Jeff had never waned over the years. Now, however, it just caused pain. 

The thought of the children he would never have, although Jeff and he had tried so hard, caused a physical ache. What made it worse was that Jensen just knew that Jeff would make a wonderful father. He had seen how good Jeff was with his sister’s children. They couldn’t have tried any harder; Jensen had undergone too many invasive procedures to count, lying there with his legs in stirrups as uncaring doctors had poked, prodded, and discussed him as if he didn’t exist. Sex had become desperate for all the wrong reasons. Timing had been everything, Jensen grabbing Jeff the minute he walked through the door when his cycle was right, but still, everything failed. With a deep sigh, Jensen chased the thoughts away and taking a look at Jim said, “Thanks Jim; thanks for everything.” A smile broke over Jim’s rugged face.

“You’re welcome, son.”

Jensen’s first few weeks at the diner were an experience. He spent most of the days cooking, and by the time Tom took over, Jensen was exhausted and greasy. After work, he just wanted to collapse and sleep for a month, but he also wanted to finish painting the living area of the apartment, so he pushed himself just a little harder. By the time he’d been in Tonto Basin for a month, the apartment was liveable. He had painted his apartment from top to bottom; it was now a soothing duck egg blue. The couch was covered with cream throws and cream and blue cushions. His bed was covered with fresh linen and more throw pillows. What was more, he was getting good at his job. He was quick and friendly, and the customers loved him. Tonto Basin was a town full of eccentrics, from Marge, the elderly lady who adopted Jensen, to Ray, the young man who had a crush on him.

“Jensen,” Ray asked with a bashful smile, “do you want to go for a coffee with me?” Jensen looked at the blushing, earnest young man and didn’t want to crush him but also didn’t want to encourage him. 

“Ray,” Jensen started, “I’m not ready to start dating, but I would like a friend.” Jensen watched as Ray visibly deflated. He reached over and took Ray’s hand. “I’m sorry, Ray, but even if I was ready, you’re too young for me.”

“Jensen,” Ray said, the word like a sigh. He looked as if he wanted to say something else, but then he just got up and rushed out. Jensen didn’t know whether to go after him and hesitated a moment before getting up to follow. A hand on his shoulder stopped him; turning to look, he saw Jim standing there.

“He just needs some time. Just like you do.”

Jensen nodded, although he wasn’t sure that was true.

 

 

 

Jeff was due home any moment, and Jared’s stomach was in knots. Chris and Steve had spilled the beans about Jeff and his other marriage, his other husband. Jared still couldn’t really come to grips with it. Jeff had seemed perfect after their inauspicious start. He had been attentive and loving; he never seemed distracted. Of course, he traveled for work a lot, but when he was home, Jared and the kids were his world. 

Then Jared heard it, the sound of a key in the lock, and his stomach plummeted; his hands were sweating. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle this, but he’d had the forethought to get the kids out of the house, sending them to his friend Clare’s for the afternoon. He didn’t know whether or not to ignore what he had learned and let their lives continue as is. He loved Jeff, and he knew that Jeff loved the children. He even thought Jeff loved him, but the minute that Jeff entered the house, all thoughts of letting sleeping dogs lie fled.

He could hear Jeff calling his name but couldn’t reply, his mouth was so dry. As Jeff entered the kitchen, he looked at Jared with such concern in his eyes.

“What’s the matter?” he asked as he moved to Jared’s side. 

“Who’s Jensen?” Jared could see the impact of his words as Jeff turned white. Jared could almost see the wheels turning in Jeff’s head. 

“Don’t lie to me; you’ve done enough of that, don’t you think?” he enquired, and he almost couldn’t recognize his own voice, it was so flat, so unemotional.

Jared watched as the tension left Jeff, and he slumped into a chair as if all the muscles in his body had collapsed. He looked at his husband. 

“Jensen and I are married,” he finally admitted in a quiet voice. A rage the likes of nothing he’d ever felt before ran through Jared’s veins, and he slammed his fist down on the table.

“What the fuck! You were already married to that man when you married me? Why didn’t you divorce him first? Why did you marry me? Have children with me? Lie to me?” Jared was openly crying now. Jeff looked at his distressed husband and tried to take his hand, but Jared yanked it away. “Don’t fucking touch me. I want you out of this house; get your things and go.”

“Jared,” Jeff begged his voice defeated, “please let me explain.”

_“Explain?”_  Jared shouted. His voice was high, and he knew he was bordering on hysterical. “You’re the worst kind of liar; why should I ever believe anything you say? Just get the fuck out.”

Jeff seemed to realize that there would be no reasoning with his husband at this moment, so shoulders slumped, he walked out of the room. Jared broke down and sobbed until he had no more tears to shed.

He had wanted Jeff to tell him it had all been a misunderstanding, but he knew in his heart that wasn’t true. Chris and Steve had told such a convincing story, a story about Jeff meeting a young boy called Jensen, falling in love, and marrying. How now, even ten years later, Jeff’s face still lit up every time Jensen came into a room, and how shocked they had been when they realized Jeff had been living a double life, that he had a whole other family. How the knowledge of it had broken Jensen, and how they couldn’t let Jeff get away with the deceit. Jared almost wished they hadn’t told him. No, Jared did wish they hadn’t told him; he now fully understood the saying ‘ignorance is bliss.’

After Jeff left, Jared spent some time thinking about the future. He had no qualifications and little work experience. He knew that Jeff would look after him and the children, but he didn’t want to take money from that lying, cheating asshole. He needed a plan, but first things first, he needed a lawyer.

 

 

 

Jeff checked himself into a local hotel and threw himself onto the bed. He wasn’t a man prone to self pity, but his life was disintegrating, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The fact that he was the cause of all the problems just made everything so much worse. There was no one he could talk to, no one who would understand. At least he hadn’t broken any laws. Polygamy had been made legal to little fanfare the year before he married Jared, but the thought was little comfort, especially as both his husbands didn’t know about the other and probably wouldn’t have consented if they did. 

With a groan, Jeff hoisted himself up; lying around feeling sorry for himself wasn’t going to achieve anything. He had to woo Jared and let him know how much he loved him, explain everything just like he should have done in the beginning, and find Jensen. He had to find Jensen before his heart perished from the loss.

Jeff knew he had to let Jared have a little time to cool down, but he hated waiting. He missed Jared and the children so badly it was almost physical. He had never been separated from them for longer than a few weeks, and always when they were apart, he had Jensen to fill the spaces they left. Groaning, Jeff could only see what a selfish asshole he had been. If only he had had the strength, to be honest at the beginning, he could have avoided this. Maybe it would have been difficult, the conversations, telling both those beautiful men that there was someone else. Maybe there would have been shouting and crying, but eventually, there would have been a resolution. Possibly that resolution would have meant he could have had both of his loves in his life. If only he hadn’t been such a coward. 

Jeff spent the next few days working hard and only returning to the hotel to fall into bed so exhausted that sleep was the only option. He worked so hard that he was too tired to consider phoning Jared, but today he was going to phone his husband and start to woo him, woo him in the way he would have done if he had been single when they met. 

Heart in his throat, he dialed the familiar number, and when he heard the phone being answered, he asked,

“Jared?”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” came the sullen reply.

“Please, Jared, meet me; I want to explain. I should have told you ages ago.”

“Yes, you should have.” His husband huffed, but Jeff could hear the weakening in his voice.

“And, Jared, I need to see the children; please don’t keep them from me.” Jeff could hear the catch in his voice.

“I would never do that.” Jared’s voice was soft, caring, and that was Jeff’s undoing. He could feel tears prickle at his eyes and tried to force them back.

“Please, please, baby, meet up with me.” He knew his voice sounded thick with unshed tears.

Jeff could hear a deep sigh. “Come round here; we can talk.” Jeff let out the breath he had been holding. 

“I’m on my way.” He wanted to get there quickly before Jared changed his mind. Hanging up, he ran and jumped into his car. On the drive over, he couldn’t help but think this was going to be one of the most important conversations he had ever had. The whole rest of his life was depending on it.

Pulling into his driveway, Jeff felt his heartbeat ratchet up a level. Turning off the engine, he wiped his palms on his trousers before getting out and walking to the door. 

Jeff wasn’t sure whether he should let himself in; it was his house, but he didn’t want to exacerbate things with Jared, so he knocked on the door. As he waited for the door to open, he rubbed his palms on his trousers again; he couldn’t remember the last time he was this nervous. He could hear Jared’s footsteps in the hall and felt his heartbeat stutter. The door opened, and there was Jared, his sweet, young husband and the father of his children. Without conscious thought, Jeff took him into his arms. 

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured as he held the younger man. Initially, Jared’s body was stiff and unwelcoming, but slowly he relaxed into Jeff’s embrace. Jeff felt like he was finally home.

 

 

 

 

The nights were the worst for Jensen. Sometimes they were endless. He would toss and turn; one minute he would sweat, the next he would shiver. He wondered abstractly whether he was coming down with something, or whether he was just heartsick, pure and simple. Jeff filled his thoughts, and try as he may to chase those unwelcome feelings away, he couldn’t. More often than not, Jensen would get up early and spend some time either cleaning his apartment or the diner, anything to keep himself occupied. 

He was up at five am, which was becoming a habit that Jensen would really like to break. Jensen decided to go downstairs and start preparing the batter for the breakfast pancakes. Jim opened the doors at six for the early birds, and it wouldn’t hurt to get a head start. Showered and dressed, Jensen was mixing the batter when it hit. Nausea came on like a physical blow, causing him to double over and grasp his knees. Jensen could feel the acid roiling in his stomach, and although he hadn’t eaten anything since supper the previous night, he knew he had to get to the bathroom quickly. He lurched in an uncoordinated manner. Not caring and completely desperate, he collapsed in front of the toilet just in time as he threw up the meager contents of his stomach. He retched until there was nothing left, and then retched a little more until his stomach ached and his throat hurt. He vomited until he collapsed in a heap next to the toilet bowl, his cheek against the cold tile. He wondered what he could have eaten that would have caused such a violent reaction. Nothing immediately came to mind. 

Groaning, he sat up, taking it slowly because every movement set off unpleasant churning in his stomach. Jensen fought his way to his feet and leaned over the sink. He splashed water over his face. Looking in the mirror, he could see how pasty he looked; his skin was the color of milk, his freckles stood out violently against the pallid landscape, and his eyes were red and slightly swollen. With a groan, he rested his head against the mirror, willing his stomach to settle, but it wasn’t to be, and he rushed back to the toilet, only just making it. After dry heaving for far too long, Jensen collapsed, deciding it was better to lie there than to risk a further bout by moving. Half an hour later, Jim found him, pale and shivering on the floor. 

“Hell, boy, what’s happened?”

“Don’t feel good,” Jensen managed. “Must have eaten something bad.” 

“Come on now, let’s get you to bed.” Jim carefully helped Jensen up and practically carried him back upstairs. He helped Jensen to bed, and that was the last thing Jensen could remember as he drifted off into a restless sleep. 

He woke to soft, cool hands examining him. 

“Hello, Jensen.” A pretty red-head was pressing on his abdomen. “I’m Dr. Harris,” she said, and then hmmed as she palpated an area of his stomach again.

“Well, Jensen, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think you’re pregnant.”

All the oxygen rushed out of Jensen’s body, making him lightheaded. What the hell?”

“That’s impossible,” he told the pretty lady; what was her name, Dr.Harris? “We tried to get pregnant for many years, but the tests all said that it was practically impossible for me to get pregnant.”

“Well, practically impossible means at least slightly possible, and you, my friend, have beaten the odds.” 

It was a good thing he was lying down because his head was spinning; this couldn’t be real. At least now, he thought, he had a part of Jeff, and no one could ever take it away. The thought was warm and comforting. 

“Is everything okay? I mean, I’ve been pretty sick...” Jensen trailed off.

“Well, I’d like to get you down to the clinic for an ultrasound and some other tests. As to the sickness, morning sickness can be quite violent. We’ll look into some treatments for you.”

Jensen lay back on the bed, his head in turmoil. Of all the things in the world, he hadn’t expected this. He couldn’t help but smile, but it was bittersweet, as Jeff wasn’t there to share it with him.

 

 

 

Being in Jeff’s arms was like coming home; the aching emptiness that had been Jared’s life for the last few weeks was filled. Jared hadn’t forgiven Jeff, but he knew one thing, he never wanted to let Jeff go. He found himself wondering whether he could ever forgive his husband, whether he could regain his trust in Jeff, and whether he could persuade Jeff to remain faithful. Jeff held him so tightly that he felt like they were melding together, that their atoms were merging until they became one person. Surely, Jeff felt the same connection— how could he not? And if he felt it, then how could he have done the things he had done to Jared? Sighing, Jared pushed Jeff away and walked into the den. He could feel rather than hear Jeff close on his tail. 

Sitting down on the couch, he motioned Jeff to the one facing him. Ideally, he wanted Jeff next to him, holding him, but that would defeat the object of him being there because Jared could guarantee there would be no talking, just holding, kissing, and probably more. 

Jeff took the proffered seat; he didn’t look happy about it, and Jared took a small amount of satisfaction from that. He looked at his husband; he looked tired, and for the first time during their relationship, he looked old. 

“I met Jensen twelve years ago at a carwash,” Jeff said with a small smile on his face. “He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.” Jared felt a sharp pain in his chest but bit his tongue and let Jeff carry on. “He wasn’t keen, but I pursued him and eventually won his heart, and we married. We were blissfully happy, except for two things.” He looked up at his husband. “We couldn’t seem to conceive; we tried everything.” He sighed. “That and the fact I had to go away on business.” Jeff huffed out another breath. “Then I met you.” Jared watched Jeff’s eyes intently and their eyes met. “Jared, I had no intention of cheating on my husband. The thought had never entered my mind. I loved Jensen,” He looked down again. “I still love him.” 

Jared couldn’t control the gasp that escaped his lips. Jeff looked as if he wanted to come and take him in his arms, so Jared hardened his gaze and watched Jeff deflate.

“I’m sorry, Jared, but you asked for the truth. I love him, but when I met you and you looked at me with those sad eyes, I can’t lie, I was physically attracted to you. At first, that was all it was, but you became pregnant, your family played hardball, and I had to do the right thing by you. I took your virginity for fuck’s sake.” 

Jeff rubbed his chin; the rasp of his stubble sounded loud in the preternaturally quiet room. “But, Jared, as time passed and we got to know each other, you must know that I fell in love with you, too. I loved and wanted you both. I lied and cheated because I couldn’t give up either of you. I don’t know what to do now,” he finished, and Jared could tell that Jeff was near tears. He was, too; he had wanted Jeff to be honest, and now that he had been, it was almost too much to take in. Jeff loved them both. It was almost a relief that at least everything hadn’t been a lie. Jared didn’t know where to go from here. Could he share Jeff? He didn’t think so; it was too much to ask.

“I want to meet him,” Jared blurted out. He needed to see his competition; it suddenly seemed very important. He saw Jeff’s face fall, and then the tears that his husband had been fighting spilled over.

“He’s gone, Jared.” He paused a moment to regain control. “Chris and Steve saw us at Disney World and told him, and he was packed and gone before I got home.”

This was the worst thing that could happen, thought Jared; Jeff would idealize Jensen now that he had left. 

“Well, can’t you find him?” Jared snapped. This was not going well; he needed to meet Jensen. He needed him to see that Jared could offer Jeff far more than he could. After all, Jared had children; he and Jeff were a family. Jensen and Jeff were just a couple. If Jensen had any scruples, he would suggest that Jeff stayed, with Jared, but if Jeff couldn’t see Jensen again, Jared knew he would always be wondering, hoping, and pining for his first love. 

“I have my P.I. looking for him, but he’s gone, and there’s no trace of him. This is such a mess,” Jeff said, his voice dispirited.

“Well, whose fault is that?” Jared snarled, his patience wearing thin. “Just go, Jeff; I need some time to think about everything.”

Jeff looked like he wanted to argue, but then, like a balloon collapsing, he just nodded and got up. He turned as he left the room and said  
“I love you, Jared. Don’t ever doubt that; I wouldn’t have gotten us into this mess if that wasn’t true.”

Jared just blinked blindly as the tears started to flow.

 

 

 

Getting into his car, Jeff caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looked smaller and older, his hair greyer; even his stubble was now more salt than pepper. Closing his eyes, he banged his head against the steering wheel three times, groaning. How could it all have gone so wrong? If only he could have a second chance. If only. With a heavy heart, he turned the key in the ignition and headed downtown.

Parking outside the small single story, Jeff could feel his heart rate ratchet up a level. Jensen and he used to visit this house regularly. Jeff used to feel welcome there, but now he was pretty sure he would be more of a pariah than a welcome guest, but this was something that he needed to do; he had put it off too long already. The P.I. wasn’t getting anywhere, so it was time to grab the bull by the horns. 

Walking up the familiar path was an exercise in pain. The last time he was here, Jensen and he had made out against the tree before Chris had opened the door and threatened to throw a bucket of water over them. Good times, Jeff thought as a small smile managed to creep onto his face. Reaching the door, he knocked before he could chicken out and then waited, his heart somewhere in the region of his throat. He could hear movement behind the door, and then it opened. Jeff pushed on the door as Chris tried to close it again.  
“Wait — I need to talk to you,” he said.

“Fuck off!” Chris growled, giving the door a good shove, but Jeff had desperation on his side and stood his ground.

“Chris, please, I need to see him.”

Chris laughed bitterly. “Really, you ‘need to see him;’ well, what about Jensen’s needs, you asshole? He needed to have a faithful husband, you complete dick. He needed a stable home-life. He needed you, and you fucked him over for a piece of tail. Well, you got what you deserve. I hope you die bitter and alone!” Chris gave the door another push, but Jeff hadn’t come this far to back down.

“You don’t know the full story, so don’t judge me!” Jeff said, but his voice was resigned. Nothing Chris had said was untrue. Jensen had needed a stable home life, especially after his parents had thrown him out. God knew Jeff was aware he had let the man down. “Please, Chris, I need to find him, to explain, and then if he never wants to see me again, I’ll leave him alone. I’m worried about him. He left with nothing; he has no money...” Jeff trailed off; he could see his own worry reflected in Chris’ eyes. 

Chris was out of the door in a flash, his hands grabbing at Jeff’s lapels. 

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘he has no money?’” For a small man, Chris was strong; and his anger only increased his strength.

“He left all his credit cards behind,” Jeff said in a small voice. “I don’t know if he had any cash on him. Chris, I know I’m not your favorite person,” Chris snorted, “but I need to find him; tell me where he is. Please.” 

Chris looked at Jeff, his expression befuddled. “Jeff,” he said, rubbed his chin, and looked up over Jeff’s shoulder, seemingly at nothing, “I have no idea where that boy went. He hasn’t called or emailed. When I find him, I’m gonna kick his ass.” 

A chill ran up Jeff’s spine; he had felt that Chris would know where Jensen was, and if he didn’t, then Jensen was truly gone, and he didn’t mean to come back. Jeff’s legs gave way, and he sat on the doorstep with his head in his hands, too numb to cry anymore.

 

 

 

Jensen dragged himself out of bed with a groan on his lips. He had never imagined that pregnancy would be like this. Smiling to himself, he remembered how he had dreamt of being pregnant, imagining the glow and good health that would go with it. The reality was different. Jensen felt like crap all the time. He was sick, he was tired, and his skin was dull and pimply. Yeah, the reality sucked, but when he started feeling sorry for himself, he would caress his barely-there bump and think of the precious new life growing within, And then everything was okay again.

Much as he would have loved to fall back into bed, Jensen still had to earn a living, so he showered and dressed, had a couple of dry crackers, and made his way to work. Jim was keeping an eye on him, making sure he wasn’t working too hard and that he was eating well. Jensen, however, didn’t need to be told to eat correctly; he would never do anything to jeopardize the pregnancy, but he was still finding it hard to keep food down, so he had lost some weight, weight that he couldn’t really afford to lose. 

Jim was in the diner, firing up the grills when Jensen got there. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” the grizzled man asked.

“Not too bad today,” Jensen replied, and he was surprised to find that it was the truth. He didn’t feel sick, and he couldn’t help but smile. It would be nice to have at least one day off from the nausea and vomiting. Maybe the worst of the pregnancy was over.

Jensen helped Jim with the breakfasts. The diner was busy, but Jensen’s mind still wandered as he worked. He found himself thinking about Jeff, wondering whether he was with his other husband, whether he was happy. Sometimes Jensen could think about Jeff and it didn’t hurt; other times it killed him. Today was somewhere in the middle. He still longed for his husband, but he longed for the husband that he thought he was married to, not the reality. 

After work, Jensen went to see Dr. Harris. 

“Hello, Jensen, how have you been?”

“Well, I think the ginger is finally working.” Jensen smiled. “I don’t feel so bad today.”

“That’s good,” she said as she wrote notes in his file. “Now I have a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and I want you to take things easy.” She looked up at him over her glasses. “Maybe cut back a few hours at work.”

Jensen felt his stomach drop. He didn’t have enough money to cut back his hours. He was aware of the irony. Jeff would pay for his child, even if they were separated. Jensen knew he would have no qualms about it, but that would mean Jensen would have to face Jeff, and Jensen would rather put fire ants in his boxers than do that. Even if he did get in touch with Jeff, then what? Jeff would end up supporting Jensen and the baby. Jensen would be like one of those ex-wives of celebrities — living off his ex-partner. Well, Jensen had more dignity than that! An added complication would be that Jeff would want to see the baby. He would probably have him or her for weekends. He would probably take him or her home to his other husband. Jensen shuddered; he couldn’t possibly deal with that.

“Jensen, are you okay?” he jumped as he was startled out of his reverie.

“Yeah, sorry, just worried about money, if I cut back my hours...” Jensen admitted.

Dr. Harris gave him a sympathetic look. “Well, if you can’t cut back, make sure you rest as much as possible when you are at home.”

Jensen smiled; that he could promise.

 

 

 

Jared’s days became an exercise in avoiding thinking about Jeff, and by default, Jensen. When Jeff had left that day a few weeks ago, the day when he had admitted loving another man, Jared had felt bereft. He hadn’t known what to do with himself. He longed for Jeff, but he couldn’t face his betraying ass.

The children were Jared’s redemption. They kept him occupied. They still managed to make him smile. True to his promise, Jared allowed Jeff to visit the children, but he made sure that he wasn’t there when Jeff came to the house, persuading his parents to babysit so he didn’t have to face the man just yet.

The time apart from Jeff became a time of reflection. Yes, Jared was pissed, and forgiveness was a long way off, but when Jared went over Jeff’s story, he could see how in fact, he was the mistress, the interloper. Okay, he didn’t know at the time, but he began to wonder about Jensen. This must have destroyed the man; Jared knew how he would have felt if the shoe was on the other foot. Because he hadn’t been in contact with Jeff, he didn’t know whether Jeff had found Jensen or not. Jared really wanted to meet this man. He had become this mythic creature, gorgeous, warm, and loving, and Jared needed to know who his competition was because, in the end, that’s what it came down to. Jensen was his competition; Jared’s happiness depended on being more attractive to Jeff than Jensen. It was time for a bit of detective work.

It was amazing what a bit of time and Googling could dig up, Jared thought. He had found Jensen’s Facebook page, and the man was stunning. There were no two ways about it; he could have been a model. That knowledge, of course, didn’t do Jared’s self-esteem any good. Jensen was an artist, apparently, and there were photos of his work, and dammit, the man was good. A bit more Googling and Jared found some reviews of his work, and they were all positive. It looked like he had sold quite a few paintings and was well on his way to being a successful artist. Jensen had had a showing last year, and surprisingly, it had been in a small, independent gallery. With Jeff’s contacts, Jared would have thought Jensen’s first showing would have been at a more prestigious gallery. With a catch in his throat, Jared realized that Jensen must have wanted to succeed on his own. Jared didn’t want to feel impressed by Jensen, but he couldn’t help it. Jensen had been with Jeff a long time, and yet he was still his own man. 

With a sigh, Jared dragged himself away from the computer and started cooking dinner. The kids would be home soon, and Jared had a lot of thinking to do.

 

 

 

 

Jeff’s life became a montage of grey, lifeless days. He knew that he was just going through the motions, but he didn’t know what else to do.

 

 

 

 

His visits with his babies were the jewel colors in the drab landscape of his life, and although he saw them regularly a couple of times a week, he couldn’t help but notice how quickly they grew. He knew he was missing out on their childhoods by not living with them, but he couldn’t persuade Jared to take him back, no matter how he begged. 

Jeff was also no closer to finding Jensen, and some days he didn’t know what hurt the most. The bottom line was he needed both Jensen and Jared, and this half-life was killing him.

“Jeff?” Jeff was still waking up, the phone in one hand as his other rubbed the sleep away from his eyes. “I’ve made a decision.” Jared’s voice sounded funny, but then it was three am.

“What is it, baby?” Jeff rasped, his voice stale from disuse.

“I want you to come home.” There was a pregnant pause. “I want us to try again, but I have some rules and they’re non-negotiable.”

Jeff sat up, his heart beating a ragged tattoo.

“Anything,” he managed through a throat thick with emotion.

“No more lies; you have to tell me the truth, always.”

“Yes.” It wasn’t hard for Jeff to agree to that; after all, it was his lying that had gotten him in this predicament.

“And I need to know if you find Jensen.” Jared sighed a low hopeless sound. “If you find him, then I go with you to meet him; you do not see him alone.” By the time Jared finished, his voice had risen, and his tone was adamant.

“Okay.” It was the only thing Jeff could think to say. He was starting to believe he would never see Jensen again anyway.

Then Jared said the words that Jeff had begun to think he would never hear.

“Come home, Jeff.”

 

 

 

 

The pain that woke him was exquisite. It seemed to radiate from his abdomen to his back, and from there, spread to all his extremities. Jensen felt for sure he was going to throw up as his whole body spasmed. Blindly, he reached for the phone and pressed redial before turning on his side and expelling the contents of his stomach all over the bedroom floor. 

“What?” Jensen barely heard the crotchety tone from the phone as his free hand reached between his legs to feel the wetness pooling there. Removing his hand, he already knew it was blood, but seeing the crimson stain sent his heart into overdrive. 

“Jim,” he whispered weakly as the room started to spin, his vision greying at the edges. “Jim...” His body spasmed again, and he sank into velvety, black oblivion. 

Consciousness returned in small slivers. Jensen thought he could hear someone talking; from the gruff tone, he thought it might be Jim, but maybe he was dreaming because the next minute he was painting Jeff. Jeff was naked, and Jensen was concentrating on his chest. It certainly wasn’t an ordeal, but Jensen just couldn’t get it right. The shading was wrong, Jeff wouldn’t sit still, heck, his brush was too stiff, and then in the same instant, it was too soft. He looked up at Jeff again, needing to see his subject, but Jeff wasn’t there. All that was left of him was an indent in the couch. 

Then Jensen awoke with a start. His head was pounding, his eyes felt dry and scratchy, and his stomach was agony. For a moment, he thought he must have been in a car crash, and then he remembered.

“The baby?” he rasped. Jim was there suddenly, as was Dr. Harris.

“He’s fine.” Jim smiled, and Jensen knew it was true.

“You’ve a fine son,” said the doctor. “He’s 5lbs 3 oz, so he’s a little small, but he’s feisty as all hell. I think he wants to see his daddy.” Jensen smiled back; his daddy certainly wanted to see him, too.

The doctor disappeared for a moment and then reappeared in Jensen’s line of vision. She had a small, wriggling bundle in her hands. Jensen tried to reach for him, but he couldn’t quite make his arms work.

“You’ll be a bit weak for a while,” Dr. Harris said as she nestled the baby in the crook of Jensen’s arm. “You lost a lot of blood; we had to give you a transfusion.” Jensen blocked her words out as he looked at his son. By God, he was beautiful, tiny and perfect, all milky skin and soft, downy hair. Then the little boy opened his eyes; they were the deepest, darkest blue, and he looked directly at Jensen as if to say, “Are you my dad?” Jensen nodded as he felt the wet warmth of tears running down his cheeks. 

“I wish your other daddy was here,” he whispered into his son’s ear. “He would just love you.” 

“Have you thought of a name?” asked Jim.

“Caleb Jeffery Adams,” Jensen said with a smile. This little man was now the most important person in Jensen’s life, and he would do everything in his power to keep him safe.

Jensen did have a moment of guilt, wondering whether he should phone Jeff, but he knew that he couldn’t face that. Jeff already had a family, and now Jensen did, too.

“Caleb,” he said with a sigh and those dark chocolate eyes stared into Jensen’s very soul.

 

 

 

 

Tripping over a My Little Pony was not the way Jared wanted to start his day, but Daisy had left a small trail of destruction in her wake, so Jared picked his way carefully through a herd of brightly colored horses.

“Daisy, come and clear up this mess!” Jared called grouchily. He was feeling crappy this morning, and he just wanted to get the kids off to school with as little fuss as possible. Things were quieter around the house now that Daisy had started school. She looked so grown up in her uniform; it still brought a tear to Jared’s eye. Time was passing so quickly; it seemed like it was only yesterday that he had taken Jeff back, but in reality, it was over a year, a year that had been filled with ups and downs, conflict, and resolution. It hadn’t been easy to learn to trust again, but Jeff had gone out of his way to earn Jared’s trust. He didn’t travel anymore, and they spent a lot more time as a family. The children enjoyed having both their parents around, especially Daniel, who was turning into quite a boisterous toddler. There  _was_  a fly in the ointment, though; the P.I. never did manage to track Jensen down, and although a part of Jared was happy about that - after all, he didn’t have to share his husband - Jensen was an unseen irritant. His presence was felt throughout the house, like a ghost wandering the halls, and seeing the faraway look in Jeff’s eyes always caused a sharp pain in Jared’s chest. 

Looking down at his daughter, Jared couldn’t help but smile. Okay, she wasn’t clearing the carnage; in fact, she was adding to it, but she was such a gorgeous little girl that one bat of her lashes and Jared melted. He got down on his haunches and helped her pick up before taking her to school.

Jared’s stomach bothered him for most of the day. There was a clawing ache that just wouldn’t quit, and even chasing around after Daniel couldn’t take his mind off it. The last time he had felt like this...

“Hell,” Jared blurted as he felt his face pale. He couldn’t be, could he? Now wasn’t a good time. His relationship with Jeff was still a bit shaky and adding another baby to the mix, well, that would either make or break the situation. There was no need to panic just yet. At least not until after the test, and he was going to pick one up - right the fuck now!

Grabbing Daniel and depositing him in his baby seat, he got in the car and headed to the pharmacy. After picking up a couple of tests, he wanted to make sure after all, he rushed to the school to pick up Daisy and Jesse. Then he drove home. The kids were telling him what they had done at school, but Jared blocked them out. His mind was too busy worrying about another pregnancy, and worse still, what Jeff would say about it. 

Later, locked alone in the bathroom, Jared banged his head against the mirror as he stared at the pink plus sign on the pee strip. Things couldn’t get any better he thought wryly. Jeff and he were still renegotiating their relationship, and this was so not going to help.

 

 

 

 

Caleb was running around the main room like a maniac. His chubby little legs shouldn’t really have been able to support him, but miracle of miracles, since the little man had found his feet, he hadn’t stopped.

“Slow down, Caleb,” Jensen said tiredly; the toddler was on the go almost constantly, and what with being on his feet all day at work, Jensen was exhausted. 

“Dada,” Caleb called with a giggled, and Jensen felt the veil of tiredness lift. He was still in awe of the fact that he had contributed to such a perfect creature. 

“Come here,” Jensen ordered. “Dada wants a cuddle.” With a shriek of delight, Caleb launched himself into his daddy’s arms, and Jensen felt all the tension seep out of him as he breathed in the sweet baby scent. 

“Kiss,” Caleb demanded, and Jensen was only too happy to comply, and he enjoyed a wet, sloppy kiss from his baby.

By the time Jensen put Caleb to bed that evening, he was fit to drop, but he knew sleep would be a long time coming. Jensen was worried about money. Jim was having problems with his health. A heart scare a few months ago had made him reevaluate his life, and he was considering selling the diner, but he hadn’t been able to garner any offers as a going concern. Business had been tailing off. People had less money and were less likely to eat out. Jensen was worried that Jim may accept an offer from Starbucks, who had their eye on the premises. There was no knowing whether they would keep him on if they did buy it, and really, did Jensen want to work for that company anyway? 

Another reason Jim wanted to step back from the business was that Jim had recently taken the plunge and married the Widow Elson. She had been a fixture in town forever. Although everyone knew her as the Widow Elson, she wasn’t an elderly lady; she had in fact just turned forty. Jim surprised everyone by proposing, as most townsfolk didn’t even realize they had been courting, but they were happy and in love, and the wedding had been one of the sweetest Jensen had ever attended.

Jensen looked at the portrait on the wall. The picture of Jeff was both a comfort and a trauma to him. He still missed his husband, even after all this time. He had kept an eye on the price of his artwork, and he knew he would be able to make a good deal if he sold the painting. Although it would break his heart to part with it, at least he had a fallback plan. With that in mind, he finally fell into a restless sleep.

In the morning, Jensen went down to the diner and immediately knew that Jim had made a decision, and it wasn’t one he would like. Jim looked at him, his face awash with emotion; sadness, guilt, concern, and relief were warring for top billing. 

“Starbucks?” Jensen sighed.

Jim nodded, “I’m sorry, Jen; they were the only ones that would offer enough for me to retire.” 

Jensen forced a smile onto his face; he didn’t want to spoil this for Jim. He needed to sit down and do some thinking. He could hear Caleb stirring through the baby monitor.

“Time to get my little man up,” he said, his smile turning genuine.

“Starbucks says there’ll be a job for you, but they can’t promise anything managerial,” Jim muttered, his eyes rheumy and sad.

That was about right, thought Jensen as he made his way back to his apartment; it was time for Plan B.

Living in Tonto Basin had been wonderful. The townsfolk had taken Jensen, or Jack as they knew him, to heart. He knew he was well loved, and he really didn’t want to move on. He found his eyes kept moving back to the portrait. Jensen knew he could sell it for a substantial sum, and he also had other artwork that he had completed since he got to town. The only worry was that if he sold it, then there was more of a chance that Jeff would be able to track him down, Or maybe Jeff had no interest in him anymore and wouldn’t bother to try and find him. Jensen didn’t know which one he dreaded more.

 

 

 

 

The night air was unseasonably cold as Jeff rushed out of the office. He wanted to be home on time; things with Jared were still...strained, and he didn’t want to give his spouse any reason to doubt him. Jeff hoped that one day he would earn Jared’s trust again, but that time was a long way off. Getting into his car, Jeff felt that odd thrum in his brain, that feeling you got when you forgot to do your homework. It was disconcerting, and feeling on edge, Jeff turned the key in the ignition and started homeward. 

Jared had been acting oddly; there was really no other word for it. He was being secretive—still loving and attentive, but something was going on. Jeff turned things over in his mind as he drove towards home. He hadn’t forgotten a birthday or anniversary or something, had he? That was when it hit him. Today was June the 30th. It was his and Jensen’s anniversary; they would have been married fifteen years. How could he have forgotten? Jeff laughed, a harsh bitter sound. 

Rosenbaum had had no luck tracking Jensen down. The man had dropped off the face of the earth, literally. He hadn’t ever used his social security number or his own name to open bank accounts or for references. He clearly didn’t want to be found, but even after all this time, Jeff wanted, no needed, to find him. He needed to make things right, explain, as he had to Jared; he just needed to see Jensen again. Jeff’s shoulders slumped. He couldn’t admit to himself that the likelihood of ever seeing Jensen again was diminishing with each month he was missing, but Jeff’s need didn’t wane as the years passed; in fact, it just kept intensifying until it was almost all-consuming. Jeff tried so hard to give Jared and the children all his attention, but there was a part of his heart that would always belong to Jensen, and the longer he was absent, the more that part seemed to swell. 

Pulling up outside his house, Jeff smiled at the bright, homely sight. Lights were burning in all the windows, casting a yellow glow over the neatly kept garden. Wandering up the path past night-scented stocks, Jeff felt an aura of peace descend over him. He should just enjoy this and thank God that Jared took him back - he already had more than he deserved. A genuine smile rose on his face as the door flung open and he ended up with an armful of squirming, giggling children. 

“Come on, let Daddy get in the door,” Jared said with a chuckle.

“It’s alright, baby,; this is the best part of the day.” Jeff smiled and reached over to kiss his husband.

“Come on then, you rabble,” Jared said exasperatedly. “Let’s get some dinner.”

 

 

 

Leading the way into the house, Jared couldn’t help but feel warm contentment. This was his family, and he was going to fight tooth and nail to keep it. 

Dinner was over, and the kids were playing in the other room. Jared was doing the dishes and trying to work up the courage to tell Jeff about the baby.

“Hey, baby.” Jared felt Jeff’s breath, warm and moist on the back of his neck. Then he felt the kisses run up to his ear, sending shivers of arousal down his spine. Huffing out a breath that was closer to a moan he mumbled, 

“Jeff...”

“What, baby; don’t you want this?” He turned his husband around until Jared was leaning against the counter and covered his lips with his own.   
‘Yes,’ thought Jared, ‘this is exactly what I want.’

Jeff’s hand found it’s way down the back of Jared’s trousers.

“Jeff,” Jared squeaked, “the kids.” His eyes moved to the kitchen door, which was slightly ajar. 

Sighing, Jeff leaned his forehead against Jared’s.

“Raincheck,” he conceded grumpily.

“Absolutely, big boy,” Jared smirked as he goosed his husband and quickly escaped the kitchen to the safety of the family room. 

Later, as they kissed the kids goodnight, Jared thought he was definitely going to tell Jeff tonight. He felt Jeff caress his ass and continued the thought— he was going to tell him after they had some fun. 

In their room, Jeff slowly undressed Jared, peeling each layer off at a snail’s. Building tension, each touch was incendiary, leaving in its wake frissons of arousal. Jared was panting and murmuring incoherently. Jeff chuckled, dark and dangerous.

“I love you when you’re like this, all desperate and needy.” His voice was deep and gravelly, and that just added another layer of arousal. Jeff had the sort of voice that if he read the social section of the California Ladies Crown Bowling Gazette, he could make it a sexual experience. 

Then they were naked, Jeff on the bed and Jared sprawled over him, their bodies rubbing together in wonderful ways. The warmth of another human that close to you, knowing that within moments you would be joined in a primal way, was as close to perfection as Jared had ever been, and he knew he would love this man forever, even though he was flawed. After all, no one was perfect, and Jared, well, he had a secret of his own. 

Later, sweaty and sated, Jared couldn’t get his brain to function well enough to string the words together to tell Jeff. There was always tomorrow, he thought as he drowsed into a contented sleep.

 

 

 

The diner had been sold, and Jensen found himself homeless and jobless. Jim had offered to help find him an apartment, and Jensen had finally settled on one located at the edge of town. It was larger than the one above the diner, spacey and airy. The light was good, and Jensen had set up a corner of the main room as a studio. He was going to make a go of it as an artist.

He knew he had an audience; he had kept an eye on the price his work was selling for, and it was good, but he hadn’t sold the portrait of Jeff, that was just too personal. He had managed to find an agent who promised him confidentiality and had sold some of his newer pieces, so he and Caleb didn’t have any money worries, and Jensen found that he could sleep at night again. 

Caleb was walking properly now, and the little devil was into everything. Jensen had set a small easel up near his own, and Caleb could entertain himself for hours, finger-painting mini masterpieces. 

“I wonder if we could sell some of these?” Jensen mused as he scooped up a giggling Caleb. “We could get you a beret and have your opening in Paris.” Caleb shrieked as Jensen did a fake French accent and dipped him backwards. “All the critics would be ecstatic, saying what a great new talent.” Mind you, Jensen thought, his son’s colorful blotches were better than some of the modern art he had seen, but then, beauty was in the eye of the beholder.

Feeling a brief stab of melancholy, Jensen looked into his son’s chocolate brown eyes, so much like his father’s. “I wish you could have met your other daddy; he would have loved you so much” The ‘even if he didn’t love me’ went unsaid. Sometimes Jensen wondered if he had made a huge mistake. He should have told Jeff about Caleb. At the end of the day, it had all been about Jensen, Jensen and his hurt feelings. It was funny how distance and time seemed to smooth the edges of his pain. It hadn’t taken it away, but it had eased it somewhat, and Jensen could finally look back without losing it. He had been betrayed, and he had reacted, but not contacting Jeff to let him know about Caleb...wasn’t that deception almost as bad as what Jeff had done to him? Jensen didn’t want to think too long and hard about that. He was afraid of the answer. 

“Daddy,” said Caleb and looked at Jensen with such love in his eyes that Jensen hugged him tight and swore he would never let this little boy go, and God help anyone who tried to hurt him.

Jensen had been in town now for nearly three years, and in all that time, he hadn’t had a vacation. In fact, he had barely left town, only a couple of visits to Phoenix and a couple to visit Chad. Chad was a character, that was for sure. His trailer looked like a disaster from the outside, but inside it was clean and orderly, filled with computers, cameras, and the other paraphernalia required to provide false identities and other nefarious products. Jensen visited him just after Starbucks took over the diner; he wanted a holiday and wasn’t sure whether he was going to go out of the country or travel internally. Just in case, he wanted a passport. 

“Hey, Chad, what’s new?”

“Well,” Chad drawled, “your husband and his other husband are having another baby.” Jensen’s mouth went dry, and he put Caleb down as he felt a little dizzy.

“What?” 

“Yeah, sorry, man.” Chad scratched his stubbly chin. “Didn’t mean to lay that on ya, but I thought it was best coming from me. You look a little peaky; sit down.”

Jensen did. He felt like he had been punched in the stomach; all the air had been forced out of his lungs, and he couldn’t get it back. He gulped and realized he was hyperventilating, so concentrating on his breathing, he managed,

“How do you even know the name of my husband?”

Jensen had always been tightlipped about his past. Jeff was very wealthy, and there was always the possibility that someone might want to use that against Jensen, perhaps selling his whereabouts to Jeff. 

“Well, I knew your name, and I’m a wiz with computers...” Chad gestured to his setup of various monitors.

Sighing, Jensen said, “It doesn’t matter,” and it didn’t. Jeff had been gone from his life for so long. He had been with that other man; he had a family with him, and Jensen knew that. So why did it hurt so badly to hear about the new baby? Of course, Jensen knew why. He was still in love with his husband.

 

 

 

 

“Morgan,” Jeff grunted into the phone. 

“It’s Mike,” the P.I. said without any preamble, “and I have news,.” It was as if Jeff had touched a live cable; he was sitting up straight and listening intently within microseconds.

“Well?” Jeff snapped; after waiting all this time, he couldn’t bear another moment. 

“A couple of paintings just went on the market. They’re definitely his; I’ve checked the provenances.”

Jeff found it hard to catch his breath. “Do you know where he is?”

“Not yet, but it shouldn’t be too difficult to track him down now.”

Jeff felt tension seep from his body, tension he didn’t know that he was holding, a tension that had been there for over two years. He was going to find Jensen, and he was going to bring him home.

It was time to talk to Jared.

If Jeff knew one thing, it was this: he was not going to make the same mistake twice. Honesty was going to be his policy from now onwards. Whether it proved to be the best policy, only time would tell.

Things with Jared had improved exponentially over the last few months. Being pregnant suited Jared; he was more relaxed and he glowed. Jeff had always thought that was some drivel that romance writers perpetrated, but no, it was true; when Jared was pregnant, he had an aura of wellbeing and happiness about him. Jeff, for one, loved it.  
He could only think of one thing that would make things better, and that was if Jensen was part of the family. Would Jared accept it? Would Jensen? Well, the only way to find out was to ask them, starting with Jared, and see where the chips fell.

Feeling better than he had for a long time, Jeff opened the door to his home and pulled his husband in for a hug. 

 

 

 

Having Jeff’s arms around him was the best feeling in the world. Jared melted into the embrace; any hint of tension trickled out, leaving him feeling relaxed and loved. Then Jeff spoke, and Jared’s newly built happiness started to degrade. 

“Baby, sit down.” Jared felt like a pin had burst his bubble; deflated, he sat down and waited to hear how his life was about to change. “I promised never to lie to you, so I’m going to tell you that Rosenbaum has a good lead on Jensen, and if he finds him, then I have to see him.”

Jared went to talk, but Jeff shushed him. “I know I promised, but I need to see him. I want you to meet him, and I want him to meet you, and in an ideal world, I want both of you, I want both of you to want each other, too.” Jeff seemed to lose momentum, and Jared wondered inanely whether Jeff was picturing some sort of x-rated threesome while Jared’s life was imploding for the second time. Looking into his husband’s eyes, he knew he had been doing the man an injustice. All that was there was a concern, longing, and hope. Jared couldn’t get his mouth to work; his tongue seemed to have adhered itself to the roof of his mouth. Jeff looked slightly panicked, but he continued in a rush,

“I know I’m laying this on you and don’t feel like you have to answer.” He sighed. “I’m jumping the gun in all sorts of ways. I mean, Jensen ran from me; he obviously hates me.” Jeff looked down. “But I can’t help hoping.” He knelt down and took Jared’s hands. “I love you both; can you understand that? I need you both.”

Jared  _could_  understand it; he could see that Jeff’s heart was big enough to love two men. Nodding, he allowed himself to be enveloped in Jeff’s arms. He would find a way to make this work; he had to. Life without Jeff didn’t bear thinking about, and maybe, just maybe, Jared had enough love in his heart to love the man who Jeff loved first. 

 

 

 

 

Although Jensen had been aware that his art had been doing well in his absence, he hadn’t realized just what impact his new work would make. His agent was calling him on a daily basis with offers for interviews for not only niche art publications but also for the freaking New York Times Arts section. How the hell did that happen? 

When he had left Jeff, he had been a relatively successful, smalltime artist. Maybe it was true what they said, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” or in this case, “absence makes the art buyers reach deeper into their pockets.”

Regardless, Jensen was glad of the money but a bit nervous about the attention. He had asked his agent to run interference for him. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to do any interviews, even though his agent thought he was mad. At least his agent didn’t hassle him about his secrecy; in fact, she supported him thoroughly.

“Think of the publicity,” Gen had said. The petite brunette was gorgeous and looked delicate. However, she was feisty and had the determination of a bulldog. Jensen was half in love with her, but she had the wrong genitals for it ever to be consummated. 

Jensen was thinking about the potential publicity and weighing its pros and cons. Jeff had to know that Jensen had resurfaced; the man had a lot of resources at his disposal. If Jeff wanted to find him, then it was only a matter of time. Of course, the thought that tormented Jensen was what if Jeff didn’t  _want_  to find him? He had settled down - happily by all accounts - with that other man, and considering that what the hell was Jensen thinking? Part of him really wanted to see Jeff, but the other just wanted to run as far and as fast as he could and this time not look back. The trouble was Jensen now had a living, breathing, wriggling monster of a reminder. He looked at his naughty son. He had finished painting his masterpiece on the canvas and was now merrily painting the walls.

“Caleb, no!” Jensen moaned, exasperatedly. He didn’t want to curb his son’s artistic enthusiasm, but he also didn’t want to have Caleb-sized, brightly colored handprints all over his tasteful, white walls, either. Caleb giggled and raised his arms for a hug, and Jensen melted. How could he remain angry with his little monster? To think he almost had a life without children; it didn’t bear thinking about. 

As Jensen tried to clean the paint from the walls, he made a decision. It was funny how easy it was; there was no considering, no over-thinking. He decided that he was going to make a preemptive strike. He was going to contact Jeff and tell him about Caleb. It would be better that way, and if Jeff didn’t want anything to do with Caleb, then at least Jensen’s conscience would finally be clear. 

Putting his cleaning stuff away, Jensen picked up the phone and dialed an old familiar number. 

“Mr.Morgan’s office.” Tom’s voice still sounded the same, and for a moment, Jensen was speechless. “Hello?

Taking a deep breath and trying to get his mouth to produce some saliva, Jensen croaked,

“Tom, can I speak to Jeff?” 

There was a long silence before Tom replied, “Jensen, is that you?” 

“Yes,” Jensen’s voice was still little more than a squeak, His heart beating double-time and his hands so damp with perspiration that the phone kept slipping. 

“Oh. My. God!” Tom exclaimed; then he seemed to pull himself together and regain his professionalism. “I’ll put you right through.”

The next voice Jensen heard was Jeff’s.

“Hello, baby.” The gruff voice that always lit up Jensen’s nerve endings hadn’t changed. “How’re the kids?” Jensen crashed back down to earth. Tom must have told him that his husband was on the phone. Of course, Jeff would think that it was Jared. After all, it had been over two years since he had heard from Jensen. 

“Wrong husband,” Jensen managed. It was surprising how a bit of anger managed to sweep Jensen’s nervousness away, double-quick-time. 

“Jensen?” Jeff sounded astounded; there was no other word for it. “Sweetheart, is that really you?” 

“Yes, it’s really me.” Jensen felt his anger subside and collapse like a balloon after a party. 

“Please don’t hang up; I’ve missed you so much.”

“Jeff.” Jensen sighed; hearing his husband’s voice after all this time, well, it was wonderful. Jensen knew that they still had so many issues to overcome, there was a possibility, nay a probability, that they were insurmountable, but Jensen knew for a fact that he wanted to try. “I’ve got something to tell you,” Jensen gritted out. He couldn’t put it off any longer, and his heart was beating overtime at the thought of coming clean about Caleb. 

“Not over the phone,” Jeff pleaded. “I have to see you.”

Jensen’s body didn’t know what to do, whether to relax at the sound of Jeff’s voice or to blindly panic. The internal conflict was causing all sorts of strange feelings; his heart at once tried to race and calm, sweat prickled then dried instantly. 

“I want to see you, too, and it has to be soon before I lose my nerve.”

“Where are you? I can come to you.”

“No!” Jensen squawked. If this went pear-shaped, then Jensen wanted to retain his sanctuary. He knew this was selfish, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care. “I can be there in two hours; where do you want to meet?”

“Rosie’s,” Jeff said without hesitation. Rosie’s was a quaint neighborhood coffee shop that they had frequented when they were dating. It was in an older part of town; the building dated from the forties and managed to retain plenty of its original features. Jensen loved it there and agreed readily. Hanging up, he looked over at Caleb and wondered whether he should take him, too.

 

 

 

 

There was something different about Jeff when he got home from work. He was glowing. Jared felt something unpleasant crawl in his gut but he didn’t want to put a name to it. It was too close to how he had felt when he found out about  _him_. 

“What’s up?” Jared asked, forcing a smile onto his face; it felt more like a grimace, but perhaps it was better than he hoped. Either that or Jeff was too far gone to notice its falseness.

“Sit down, baby.” That was it, Jared’s stomach dropped, and he sat before his legs could give way. 

“You’ve found him?” Jared asked; he barely recognized his own voice, monotonous, lifeless. 

“He called.” Jeff smiled; he seemed not to notice Jared’s discomfort, too caught up in his own happiness.

“And...” Jared prompted. He needed to get this over and done with as quickly as possible.

“He’s coming to town, and we’re going to meet.” Jeff seemed to notice Jared for the first time and walked over to kneel at his feet, taking his head gently between his hands. “I don’t know what is going to happen, but this can only be good for me, for us. If this is the end, then at least I have closure, and if it isn’t, then we will have to talk, the three of us.”

Jared nodded, not trusting his voice. 

“I want us to all be together, but we all have to agree; that goes without saying. If you disagree, then...” Jeff trailed off. Jared wanted him to say that if Jared disagreed, then things would stay as they were, but he knew they wouldn’t, and Jeff wasn’t such a bastard as to lie, not anymore anyway. 

“Okay, we’ll talk when you see what he wants,” Jared croaked out, his voice sounding rusty and disused. 

xxxxx

 

Jared paced the floor, ignoring the children as they vied for his attention. His hand went unconsciously to his abdomen, now swollen with new life. Why the hell couldn’t that other man stay away? Jared knew he was being unreasonable; after all, Jensen had Jeff first. In all this, he was as innocent as Jared was. 

Daniel was pulling on his trousers, trying to show Jared a Lego model he had built, so Jared knelt down to admire it. He couldn’t quite work out what it was meant to be, but Daniel seemed pleased with it; his drooly smile managed to pull Jared out of his funk, and he decided to take the kids out for dinner. After all, if he hung around at home, he would just spend time wondering what Jeff was up to. 

“Come on, guys, get your coats on, and let’s go to Chuck E. Cheese -” Jared couldn’t finish the sentence, as he was drowned out by whoops and squeals. You would think that the kids never got to eat processed rubbish, he thought wryly.

After a meal full of artificial additives, the kids were full of energy, so Jared took them to the park to work some more of it off before they wandered home. Jared’s phone had stayed silent the whole time they were out, and he couldn’t help but hope that Jeff would be home when they got there, but the drive was empty. With a sigh, Jared herded the children from the car into the house and set about bathing them and readying them for bed. 

As he watched Daniel splash in the bath, his mind wandered back to Jeff and Jensen. He wondered whether Jensen was trying to win Jeff back, Whether they were touching, kissing, or fucking. The thought made Jared’s stomach clench. He couldn’t help being a jealous man, and he wanted Jeff to himself. 

Daniel brought his hands down onto the surface of the water hard, and the splash soaked Jared. 

“Oh, you little devil!” Jared laughed as Daniel shrieked and giggled. “Come on now, I think you’re clean enough, and the bathroom floor is wet enough, too.” He reached down and picked up a wriggling, giggling, wet bundle and wrapped him in a soft towel. 

“Daddy.” Daniel sighed and squirmed his arms out and wrapped them around Jared’s neck. Jared smiled; this was what was important, he thought, family, but Jeff was a big part of his family, and he hoped and prayed he wasn’t losing him.

 

 

 

 

Jensen was a bag of nerves, from his sweaty palms to the pains in his chest. He had ruled out a heart attack and decided it was down to hyperventilation and was trying to slow his breathing to a more reasonable rate. 

Rosie’s was just the same as Jensen remembered it; the booths had the same bench seating, but the vinyl was a little more cracked now. Sitting down, he ordered a coffee. 

Jensen wished he had brought Caleb with him, but that was for selfish reasons. If Caleb had been there, then Jensen would have something else on which to concentrate. He had left Caleb with Jim and Rachel, who had been only too pleased to spend some time with their godchild. 

The bell above the door rang, and without looking up, Jensen knew it was Jeff. He could almost feel his presence as a tickling down his spine. Dragging his eyes away from his coffee, he looked up into the chocolate brown eyes of his husband. Jeff looked back at him, a series of emotions flitting across his face. Jensen wanted nothing more than to fling himself at Jeff, bury himself in his arms. It was as if no time had passed, no secrets and lies, indiscretions and abandonment. Jensen felt like he was coming home. 

“Sweetheart,” Jeff said, the sound barely a sigh, and with that, Jensen was on his feet and into Jeff’s arms, and then he was home. 

“Jeff.” He buried his face against Jeff’s chest, reveling in its warmth and strength. Jeff’s arms felt protective, and for the first time in a long time, Jensen felt safe. “Jeff.” 

He could have been there in the circle of Jeff’s arms for a matter of seconds, minutes, or even hours, but then the sounds of the diner started to seep back into his consciousness, and Jensen pulled away and blushing, sat down at the table, gesturing for Jeff to do the same. 

The bright lights of the diner were harsh, and Jensen could see deeper wrinkles around Jeff’s eyes, lines that hadn’t been there two years ago. Guilt prickled in Jensen’s gut as he noticed more grey hair at his temples and sideburns.

Jeff reached across the table and took Jensen’s hands.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry; I have no excuses. I should have told you.” Jeff looked down; he twisted his hands and then seemed to realize what he was doing. “Say something.” 

Jensen didn’t know what to say. Should he talk about the pain and betrayal, Or should he tell Jeff about Caleb? They had both done things they regretted; Jensen knew that now. At the time, he couldn’t see Jeff’s side of things. All he could think about was Jeff with that other man, with that other family. 

“I don’t know how we can make this right.” Jensen sighed. “You lied to me in the worst possible way, Jeff, but I’ve done something terrible, too,” he admitted.

“I know.” Jeff reached over and took his hands. “I need to tell you how it happened and how it got out of hand.”

“Not yet,” Jensen said. He felt a sheen of sweat break out on his brow. “First, I have something to tell you.” He looked up into Jeff’s eyes; he could see love and concern there.

“What, sweetheart? What could be so bad?”

“We have a child, a son,” Jensen blurted out. Confusion crossed Jeff’s face.

“What?”

“I didn’t know until I was already settled at my new home. I thought I was ill with stress or depression. Turns out I was pregnant, and we have a son. I should have told you...” Jensen trailed off. Looking up at Jeff’s face, he saw anger there.

“Damn right, you should have!” Jeff spat; his face was red and incredulous. “I can’t believe you hid this from me for more than two years.!” His voice got louder with each word. Jensen looked around the diner and saw people watching surreptitiously.

“Yeah, well, how long did you hide your second family from me, huh?” Jeff blanched.

“That was different,” he said, but by the emotions that flitted across his face, Jensen could tell he realized the stupidity of that statement.

Taking a breath to calm himself, Jensen continued, “Look, Jeff, we’ve both done things we regret, and now we need to decide whether we can move forward.” He left the “or not” unsaid.

Jeff sat back on the bench and rubbed his stubbled jaw; all the while, Jeff was appraising Jensen.

“So, you finally had a child?” Jeff smiled; it was small and slightly sad, but a smile nonetheless.

“Yeah, a miracle baby.” Jensen returned his smile and groped for his wallet, opening it and showing Jeff the photo that had pride of position there. 

“Oh, he’s a miniature you,” Jeff said, tracing Caleb’s face with his finger.

“Yeah, he’s all freckles and mischief, but he has your brown eyes,” Jensen agreed affectionately.

Jeff’s face fell. “I wish I’d been there for him, for both of you.” Jensen turned his hand so he was grasping Jeff’s.

“We’ve both fucked up, Jeff. Can we move forward; is it even possible?”

“Yes,” Jeff said. There was no hesitation. He meant it, and his confidence was contagious. Jensen felt his heart lighten; maybe they could do this.

“I suppose I’d better meet your other husband, then.” Those were words Jensen had never expected to say. 

“And when can I meet my son?”

“Soon, I promise.” 

“Well, let’s go, shall we? I’d better phone Jared to tell him.” Jensen couldn’t help a small lurch of jealousy at how easily Jared’s name rolled off Jeff’s tongue. He forced it back down and threw some money on the table as he followed Jeff from the diner.

“Baby.” Damn, there was that pain again. Jensen tried not to listen, but he couldn’t help it. “I’m on the way home, and I’m bringing Jensen to meet you.” Jensen couldn’t hear Jared’s side of the conversation, but he could imagine the younger man’s discomfort. He thought it was probably similar to his own.

 

 

 

 

Jared didn’t sound overly happy about meeting Jensen, but it was for the best. At least once both men met each other, maybe it would give them both some sort of closure, and from there, maybe they could all move on. How that happened remained to be seen. 

 

 

 

“Follow me?” Jeff asked as he got in his car, turning to watch Jensen nod as he walked to his car. As they drove to his and Jared’s home, Jeff went over the facts. Jensen looked wonderful. Fatherhood agreed with him; he was positively glowing. And they had a kid; he and Jensen finally had a child, a boy, Caleb. Jensen said he was a mini version of himself, and Jeff couldn’t wait to meet him. He still felt angry at Jensen for keeping Caleb from him, but he could understand why. Jeff had been deceitful for five years of the marriage, so how could he judge?

Arriving at the house, his home, it looked the same as it had yesterday. It should look different, he thought; everything had changed. God, he hoped it was for the better! He watched as the front door opened as he pulled the car up the drive. There was his husband, so tall and well built, yet vulnerable with it. He watched as first Jeff then Jensen got out of their cars. Jeff looked between the two men that meant more than anything to him. Jensen and Jared sized each other up. There didn’t seem to be any animosity between them, and Jensen walked up the path, a determined look on his face, held out his hand, and said, “Jensen Morgan.” Jared blanched but recovered quickly.

“Jared Morgan.”

“Oh,” Jensen said, his voice turning sweet, the smile on his face not reaching his eyes, “I didn’t realize that Jeff had registered for a multiple marriage. hmm, I didn’t think he could actually, not without my permission.” He chuckled gently, “But then, I’m not a lawyer; I’m just a cuckolded homemaker.” 

“Now, you two,” Jeff said, striding up the path, “if you want to take any of this out on anyone, it should be me.” He looked from man to man, and Jensen had the good grace to look ashamed. "You both already know that, and Jensen, you know you were far more than a homemaker. You are an established and highly successful artist, and Jared, before you start putting yourself down, you are an exceptional father who somehow manages to make high-class wedding cakes in his spare time. I lucked out by meeting and marrying two gorgeous, talented men, and the fact that I didn’t introduce you to each other and do this the right way is down to me.” Jeff guided the two men into the house and sat them down on the couch as he walked back and forth.

“The laws allowing multi-relationships were in their infancy seven or eight years ago, and I was too chickenshit to suggest we try at a poly-relationship. That was my mistake. Now, Jared, meet Jensen, and Jensen, meet Jared. I love you both, and I wronged you both. I can never make up for that, but can we move forward from this?” 

 

 

 

 

“What do you want, Jeff? Do you want to fuck us both, have a relationship with us both? Keep two households, have two families? How does this work?” Jared asked, taking the words out of Jensen’s mouth.

“I want you both; I would love for us to be a family, all of us. I want us to live together. I want our children to be brothers and sisters. I want to love you both; I do love you both, and what I want most of all is for you and Jensen to love each other, too.” 

Both of the younger men looked at Jeff, bemused. Jeff waved his hands in a placating manner. “Look, I know that may all be a pipe dream, but can we just try and see what happens?” 

Jensen was the first one to break the uncomfortable silence. 

“I want to see you again, Jeff; I want Caleb to know his daddy, and if that means I have to share you, then I will give it a go. I don’t know whether I will be able to cope with it, but I can only try.”

“Me too,” Jared said. He looked less convinced than Jensen; his face was pale, and was that a tremor in his hands that Jensen detected? “Can I get you a drink?” Ah, the perfect host, thought Jensen as he nodded. Jared raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Whiskey, please.” Hard liquor might make this a little easier. Jensen definitely wanted Jeff, but this stranger, this interloper, well, he could do without that. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like Jeff could. 

“Look, Jared, Jensen, I know it seems like I’m asking you to do all the compromising, but you guys, you have all the power here. You just have to say no, and I will honor that.”

“It’s a lot to take in; I don’t really know where to go from here,” Jensen admitted; now that the adrenaline had subsided, he felt exhausted. “I mean, do you want me and Caleb to move in or something?” Jensen hadn’t really considered the logistics of renewing his relationship with Jeff, and seeing Jared’s face blanch made him realize Jared definitely didn’t want him moving in. 

“Maybe we can get you a place nearby, an apartment or something, and see how this plays out?” Jeff rubbed his chin, his eyes moving from one man to the other. He looked at least as uncomfortable as Jared and Jensen did, but there was something else, a warmth in his eyes. Then Jensen recognized it; it was love. He loved them both.

 

 

 

 

Jensen had made his excuses and left to find a hotel. Jared had tried offering to let him stay, but he was pretty sure that Jensen knew that he didn’t really want him there. He knew Jeff loved Jensen, but he wasn’t quite willing to share just yet. One more night, he thought. One more night of just the two of them before there were three in the marriage.

When they got into bed, Jared realized his error. There had been three in his marriage since the beginning. Jared had always been the intruder. Sighing, he moved into Jeff’s arms, and they made love, slowly. Jeff didn’t mention Jensen; he seemed to realize Jared’s needs and fulfilled them one after another. 

Later, when they both lay sweaty and content next to each other, Jeff said, “I know this is hard for you, baby, but thank you for trying.” He caressed Jared’s cheek, and Jared managed a weak smile.

“I’d do anything for you.”

Jeff’s answering smile was tinged with sadness.

“I know you would, baby, but I don’t want it to be a sacrifice; I want you to want to do it. I know it’s a huge thing to ask; I know.” He nuzzled Jared’s neck, sending sparks of arousal down his spine. 

“I’ll do it because you want it,” Jared said breaking the mood, “but I can’t pretend it’s what I want. I promise to have an open mind, and we’ll see what happens.” 

Jeff gave him a big, wet smooch. “I can’t ask for more than that.”

xxxx

The next couple of weeks passed in a blur of activity. Jared thanked God on a regular basis that he had the kids to keep him occupied. Jeff helped Jensen find a small house two streets over. He could walk between the two in seven and a half minutes, and yes, he had timed it. 

The house was cozy, two bedroomed and single-storied. It was painted a key lime pie green, which amused Jared, as it seemed so out of character to the Jensen he had gotten to know. The garden was tidy, a small lawn surrounded by flower beds, and near the house were some flowering shrubs. Jared hadn’t been inside the house; Jensen hadn’t extended an invitation, and Jared wasn’t one to visit without one. 

Jeff had helped him move from some small town where he had been loving. The biggest shock had been the fact that Jensen had a baby, Caleb. Jared had been most upset about that, and he knew that it made him a bad guy, but he had taken comfort in the fact that Jensen had no children. It had made Jared feel special, the fact that he had been able to give Jeff children when Jensen hadn’t been able.

Jensen was happily settled in his new house, by all accounts, and Jeff was going over there tonight. He was going over there and staying the night, and Jared’s stomach was roiling at the thought. He dismissed the fact that Jeff had been sleeping with him for the past two years and concentrated on the fact that tonight his husband was going to be unfaithful to him. 

Jared sat down and put his head in his hands and groaned. Okay, so really, Jeff had been being unfaithful every time he had taken Jared to his bed. Jensen was the true husband, and he had seemed to take this situation with a level of dignity that Jared couldn’t quite achieve. 

“Baby, are you sure you’re okay with this? I would take you, too, but I think this first time it should be just Jensen and me.” Jeff looked searchingly into Jared’s eyes. “This is going to hurt you, huh?” He took Jared’s hands. “I’ll call it off.” He reached for his phone.

“No,” Jared started. “No, if this is going to work, then I need to get used to it.” Jeff didn’t look happy. 

“This shouldn’t be something you have to get used to, dammit.” Jeff turned and slammed his hand against the wall.

“I will get used to it, and then maybe I’ll get to know Jensen...” Jared tailed off; he didn’t even know what he was going to say.

“Right, change of plans, I’m going to invite Jensen over tonight, and we are going to have this out properly.”

Jared just nodded.

 

 

 

Jeff was coming over tonight, and Jensen really hoped that he was going to get laid for the first time in over two years. He rifled through his wardrobe, trying to find something fetching to wear. He felt like a teenager on his first date. The phone rang, interrupting his panicking, and he tripped over Caleb as he made his way to answer it.

“Daddy,” Caleb said and giggled.

“Monster,” Jensen replied, which made Caleb giggle harder.

“Hello?” Jensen said as he answered the phone.

“Jensen, it’s Jeff, change of plans. I want you to come over here tonight so the three of us can set some rules and get to know each other a little better.” 

Jensen’s heart plummeted. So, no sex then, and what was worse, he had to spend time with that man. 

“Okay,” he said resignedly and hung up before Jeff could say anything else. He sat on the bed. He knew it was too good to be true that Jared would let Jeff come over and fuck Jensen. It was almost like Jensen was the second husband now, the less important one. He wanted so desperately to feel wanted again, to feel needed and loved, and if he had to make nice with that other man, then he would, but he was going to do it looking his best. 

Dressing in his nicest jeans that hugged him in all the right places and a shirt that was just tight enough to show the definition of his upper body, he checked his reflection in the mirror. Screw Jared and his tall, muscly self and his pretty eyes and cute nose! Jensen could do pretty, too. He had the green eyes and freckles that Jeff loved. Yeah, that was about it, but he was definitely going to play to his strengths.

“Daddy,” Caleb demanded, arms up waiting for a pickup. 

“Monster,” Jensen said as he picked his mischievous son up and melted into a tight cuddle. “Gonna go and see Daddy Jeff?” Jensen asked and watched his sons' eyes light up. Jeff and Caleb had hit it off immediately. Jeff’s eyes had softened on seeing Caleb and completely melted when Caleb had demanded a cuddle. Smiling at the memory, Jensen grabbed his keys and set off on the journey to his new life.

Caleb demanded to walk some of the way, so the journey took far longer than seven and a half minutes. He wanted to point out all the doggies and kitties along the way. Jensen was grateful for it; Caleb and his toddler ramblings took his mind off what was going to happen next. Sometimes his mind would go round in circles, various scenarios playing out. Him, Jared, Jeff, and the kids living together in some utopian polyamorous relationship, one where he and Jared had a relationship, too. Maybe Jeff would be like a sheik, and Jared and Jensen would be his harem boys, servicing him at a whim. Would he be jealous if it worked out that way? Yeah, he was pretty sure he would. 

Knocking on the door, Jensen’s heart was beating out of his chest, but he tried to control the expression on his face. Jared answered the door, and Jensen smiled weakly at him. He was truly a good looking man. He could see why he had turned Jeff’s head. Jeff had told him in great detail about how they had met and how things had spiraled out of control until Jeff found himself married to two men. Jeff had accepted all responsibility, and Jensen had found it hard to hate him for his lapse any longer. He himself knew how easy it was for things to escalate. Jensen found himself looking into Jared’s exotic eyes and saw his own well-hidden pain reflected there. 

“Hi, Jared.” 

“Hi, this must be Caleb.” Jared held his hand out, and Caleb immediately demanded a hug. Jensen shrugged. “Sorry he’s such a cuddle W.H.O.R.E,” he spelled. Jared smiled, the first genuine smile Jensen had ever seen on his face. He couldn’t help but hope that he would see many more. Jared’s smile was huge and happy and all-consuming. Jensen suddenly wanted to be the one to put that smile onto Jared’s face; he had a feeling that he had been the cause of the dearth of happiness in the young man’s life. 

Watching Jared cuddle Caleb, Jensen felt something loosen inside himself. He had cast Jared as the bad guy, the mistress, for such a long time, even though he knew Jared had been innocent in it all, too. It was time for some changes, and Jensen was going to try and put some of his preconceived ideas behind him and start afresh.

“He seems to like you,” Jensen noted with a smile. 

“Yeah, kids congregate to me; dunno why, but I like it.” Jensen looked down at Jared’s swollen abdomen.

“Good job, by the looks of it.” 

“Yeah, unexpected baby number four. I always wanted a large family, but I guess with all the problems of the last couple of years, I thought our family was complete. Then this little surprise reared its head.” He rubbed his stomach, a small smile playing on his face. He looked beautiful, and Jensen almost told him he was, but then Jeff poked his head around the door.

“Not talking about me, I hope.” He smiled.

“Not everything is about you,” Jared and Jensen said together and then laughed.

“Think we’re gonna get along just fine,” Jared said as he dragged Jensen into the house.

It turned out it was just like a proper conference. Jeff made sure that they all had their say. 

“We should have done this years ago,” Jeff said. “I should have done this earlier, but I’ve decided on some ground rules. I think they’re fair, but they are open to discussion.” Taking a deep breath, he continued,“Firstly, no sex. I think it’s important that everyone feels equally important, and if I’m sleeping with Jared, then I know Jensen is going to feel less...” he trailed off then, looking at Jensen. “Not that you are; I love you both, and you’ve been so amenable. Not making any demands, but we need this.”

Jensen felt his heart swell. It had been so difficult knowing Jeff had been sleeping with Jared, and Jeff was right; it had made him feel worthless. 

“You’re right,” Jensen replied, watching Jared’s reaction. “I didn’t like it when you were spending time with Jared; I couldn’t help wondering what you were doing. Had you done the same things with me, or did you do things differently? I was making myself ill,” he admitted. Jared’s face paled, but his eyes were sympathetic, and he nodded in response. 

“I think if we are going to make a go of this, then it needs to be as a threesome, which means Jensen and I need to get to know each other and see whether we are compatible. That’s non-negotiable, Jeff,” Jared said, and it was almost as if he was reading Jensen’s mind. 

“I agree. I think Jared and I should date.” Jensen felt like the world had been removed from his shoulders; he felt lighter, happier, and the future seemed full of possibilities. “We already have a babysitter.” He chuckled, looking at Jeff, who for once, seemed dumbstruck.

 

 

 

 

 

The younger two were both in bed, and Jesse and Daisy were watching television. Jeff couldn’t help but wonder how Jensen and Jared were getting on. A lot depended on whether they were compatible, and Jeff was praying a mantra, “please let them like each other,” over and over in his head. 

Both Jensen and Jared were easygoing, attractive men and Jeff was sure there would be a level of attraction, but he was hoping for more. Sexual attraction wasn’t going to be enough to keep them together as a poly-family for the long run. He needed his husbands to fall in love with each other. 

Jeff knew poly-relationships could work; he had friends Dani, Gen, and Misha, and their relationship was far stronger than many monogamous marriages. This had to work out; he was sure that their relationship would be indestructible if they got together properly. 

Jeff could imagine what it would be like. They would need a bigger house, but it would be a happy house, full of kids and love. They had four already and a fifth on the way. Who knew whether there would be more; after all, they all had so much love to give. In the new house, they would have a large kitchen for Jared and his cake decorating business, a studio for Jensen, and an office for Jeff. Then the three of them could spend most of their time at home. For Jeff, that sounded like an idyll, and it was so close he could almost taste it.

Jeff wandered upstairs and looked in on the younger ones; Daniel was asleep in his bed, and Caleb was on the pullout on the floor. Jeff smiled. They got on so well, seemed to enjoy each others company. Caleb wanted to cuddle Daniel, and Daniel took to being a big brother with glee. Jeff supposed it was because he had been the youngest so long. If everything went according to plan, then maybe the boys could share a room for a few years before they demanded their privacy. 

“Come on, you two, time to go to bed,” Jeff said as he herded Daisy and Jesse upstairs, trying to drown out their moans of “but daaaaaad” as he shuffled them into the bathroom. “Brush your teeth, and then I may tell you a story.”

This was one of the best parts of the day; the kids were all sleepy and warm, and normally, after they had been read to, he and Jared would have some adult time, which didn’t just mean naked time, but also time to chat and enjoy being with his husband. Tonight, though, he was alone, and for the first time, he realized he felt like Jared and Jensen had all those times he had shuttled between them, although they hadn’t realized at the time that they were being cuckolded. God, Jeff hated that word. Tonight, he sat down alone and turned the TV back on and settled down to a lonely evening.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, across town in a small bistro, Jared was sitting across a candlelit table from Jensen. Jared couldn’t deny that he found Jensen attractive. He was tall, though not as tall as Jared, and was nicely built. Not pumped up, but he had definition in all the right places, and as Jared followed him into the restaurant, he couldn’t resist a look at his ass. It was fine, rounded, and pert; in fact, it was perfect. He had beautiful eyes, too; the color was one you would see walking down a forest path in summer — dappled green. Yeah, he was hot, and not only that, but he was nice, too. 

“Well, this isn’t at all awkward,” Jensen had said as they were shown to their table. That had broken the ice, and they had spent the time waiting for their food chatting about children. Jared was six months gone and looking forward, with no small amount of trepidation, to baby number four. Jensen admitted to being jealous.

“Jeff and I tried for such a long time to have a baby, and then when we stopped, Caleb arrived.” He smiled at the memory. “I wonder sometimes whether I would be able to have another, just one more, but then I think I’m being greedy; I was so lucky to get Caleb.”

“You never know; you’re young and healthy,” Jared said, taking Jensen’s hand when he saw the pain there. He couldn’t imagine the agony of thinking you were unable to have children, especially when you wanted them as much as Jensen did. 

The touch of Jensen’s hand against his sent a tingle of arousal up Jared’s arm. He hadn’t been attracted to another man since he had met Jeff. Jared wondered whether it was because he was allowed to find Jensen attractive. It was more than just physical, too; seeing Jensen allow himself to be vulnerable made Jared want to reciprocate. 

“I was so frightened to tell Jeff I was pregnant, both the first time and the last time.” Jared laughed deprecatingly. “I knew it was a one night stand, and God, it was awful. If I’d have known he was married, I would never have slept with him.” Jared looked at Jensen, his eyes shining with honesty.

“I believe you, but I have to be honest, Jared; finding out about you was the single worst thing that has ever happened to me.” Jensen looked off into the distance as his hands wrung the napkin in front of him.

“Can we put this behind us, or is there too much...shit between us?”

“We can try — that is all we can really do.”

The waiter brought their food; Jensen had spaghetti in a pesto sauce, and Jared had gone for the steak. For a few minutes, they ate in relative silence, apart from a few noises of appreciation.

“I think we should all move in together,” Jared blurted out.

Jensen coughed and then took a large drink of his beer.

“What?”

“It makes sense; we should all live together.” He nodded as if it was a foregone conclusion.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea; what if it doesn’t work out.? Caleb will be uprooted again.”

“Jensen,” Jared said patiently, “you love Jeff, I love Jeff; we’ll both do anything for that man. It will work out.” Jensen was dragged along by Jared’s conviction because he found himself agreeing. 

 

 

 

 

The banging on the door interrupted Jensen’s reverie. In his daydream, he, Jeff, and Jared were living in a happy poly-relationship. They had a huge bed that could fit three fully grown men. Jeff was just kissing down his neck in that way, and Jared was kissing up his thigh, heading intractably towards his groin and his very interested penis. 

“Damn,” he muttered as he wandered towards the door, adjusting his semi-hard cock on the way. It was just as well that Jim and his wife were in town and had taken Caleb off his hands for the day.

“Hey, guys,” he welcomed as the door opened, revealing Jeff and Jared.

“Hey.” Jeff kissed him on his cheek, close enough to his neck to give him an erotic flashback to the dream. Blushing, Jensen reached out and pulled Jared in for a quick kiss. Ever since the date, Jared and Jensen had been trying to become more intimate in small ways, little touches, and small smooches. Now they were starting to feel comfortable, normal even. 

“My mom has the kids, so we can check out loads of properties,” Jared said with one of his big smiles breaking out on his face. 

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” Jensen asked, looking at Jared’s swollen abdomen. He could remember feeling tired and wanting to rest as much as possible when he was pregnant with Caleb. 

“Try stopping me. We need to find a place that can be ours.”

The first few places that they visited didn’t really suit their needs. Jeff had decided they needed at least eight bedrooms, possibly more. He wanted one for each child, although he was sure that Daniel and Caleb wouldn’t mind sharing initially. They also needed a bedroom each for Jared and Jensen, at least until they were comfortable taking the relationship further if that time ever came. Plus, they would probably need guest rooms. 

“So, basically, you want a mansion then?” Jensen asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jeff smiled wolfishly. “Why not; we deserve to live in style.”

Jared and Jensen looked at each other and shrugged. “I guess we can live with that,” Jared said.

Then Jeff turned the car into a long, winding drive; in the distance, they could see a beautiful building, and Jensen knew this was the one. It was two-story, white, and pristine and stretched across a huge-lawned plot. 

“Wow!” he murmured, and Jeff winked at him.

“I knew you would like this one. What do you think, baby?” he asked, turning in Jared’s direction.

“Looks good from the outside,” admitted Jared.

“The place was built by a dotcom millionaire,” Jeff advised. “It’s got a pool, a pool-house, and seven bedrooms; it looks ideal on paper. 

“It looks pretty ideal from here, too,” Jensen said as he got out of the car. “The garden is lovely, too.” Jensen could just imagine the children playing here. The lawn ran around the sides of the building, disappearing to the rear; instead of heading for the front door, Jensen followed it around the side. At the back was the pool, gleaming in the Californian sunshine, and then beyond that, the pool-house, which looked to be about the same size as Jensen’s house at the moment. It was perfect. 

Jeff and Jared joined him, Jeff throwing an arm over his shoulder.

“You like this one, don’t you?” He pressed a kiss to Jensen’s jaw.

“It’s the one,” Jensen replied.

“We haven’t even seen inside,” Jeff protested.

“No, he’s right,” Jared interrupted. “It’s perfect. There’s just something about the house; it feels like a happy place. I think it could be our happy place.”

Jensen smiled across at Jared as Jeff pulled him close, and at that moment, for the first time, they felt like a family, thought Jensen.

 

 

 

 

Jeff couldn’t help feeling smug. He had found the perfect house that both of his spouses loved. Not to mention his spouses were getting on incredibly well. He was pretty sure that they were attracted to each other, and he was hoping that it was only a matter of time before nature took its course. 

He couldn’t wait to move into the new house. It would be a fresh start for all of them. He had always wanted a big family, and his life was almost perfect now. Who would have thought things could turn out so well? He knew he didn’t deserve it, but he was damn well going to enjoy every minute, especially after the miserable few years he had had to endure. 

An indulgent smile came over his face. Jared was blooming; he had never known anyone to take to pregnancy the way his husband had. He never felt tired, he looked radiant, and he had boundless energy. 

Jeff couldn’t wait to get home that evening. He rushed up the path to his family. The lights were blazing throughout the house, gleaming onto the path, making it seem all the more welcoming. Before he could get his key in the lock, the door flew open, and he had an armful of squirming children.

“Daddy’s home,” shrieked Jesse as Caleb stood shyly behind. Jeff was trying to establish a relationship with the boy, but much like his other daddy, Caleb was reserved almost to the point of being withdrawn. Jeff was going to persevere, though; he knew it was going to be worth it in the long run.

“Caleb, come and give your old man a hug.” 

“Old man,” Caleb repeated with a giggle as he sank into Jeff’s embrace. 

This was what made life worth living, Jeff thought as he breathed in the sweet, warm scents of his children. Soon enough, they got bored of the cuddle and wriggled free, running off to play. Looking up, Jeff saw Jensen in the kitchen doorway, a dishtowel in his hands. 

“Hey,” he said, coming forward and wrapping his arms around Jeff. “Good day at work, honey?” He smiled as he kissed Jeff on the corner of his mouth.

“Hey, yourself; where’s Jared?”

“Sent him to lie down. He was a little tired; the kids can be quite boisterous, even Daisy!” 

“You’re telling me; sometimes I think that little lady is worse than the others added together! I’m gonna go and check on Jared.” Jeff smooched Jensen one more time before heading upstairs.

Pausing at Jared’s bedroom door, he looked at his husband lying there. He looked so peaceful, but he also looked tired.

Jared’s eyes opened, and when he saw Jeff, he broke into a beautiful smile. 

“Hey, you’re home.” 

Jeff walked to the bed and sat down. “Hey, yourself.” He took Jared’s hand. “How are you feeling?” He pulled Jared into a hug.

“Mmm, better now that you’re home,” Jared murmured into Jeff’s hair. “Just feeling a little tired.”

“Well, it’s not long now.”

“Thank God,” Jared sighed. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

Jeff chuckled and kissed his husband again. “What makes you think it’s a girl?”

“It’s a girl; I’m sure.” They had both decided not to be told the sex of the baby at Jared’s last scan. 

“Do you want to get some sleep?”

“Mmm,” Jared said sleepily, so with one more kiss, Jeff went downstairs to join the rest of his family.

 

 

 

 

The move to the big house was relatively trauma-free. Jeff paid for the best movers, who also unpacked everything. Jared was pretty sure he’d be moving things around; well, once he dropped baby number four, he would. He patted his abdomen. Not long now, thank God, he thought.

Life in the Morgan household was getting more and more interesting. Jared couldn’t help admiring Jensen. Not only was he beautiful, but he was also a genuinely nice man. The kids loved him. Jared found himself watching him, wanting to reach out and touch him. He tried to put it down to hormones, but he knew it was really lust. None of them had had sex for such a long time. A few fumbles and heated kisses with Jeff had all ended with Jeff shaking his head. Damn, he was horny. 

He awoke in the night to a searing pain in his stomach. Hell(, labor didn’t hurt this much last time!

“Jeff,” he moaned and clutched his stomach again. “Jeff, get the fucking car— I’m in labor.” Mild panic ensued, but before long, he was safely situated in a hospital bed and dosed up on the best painkillers. Jeff was holding his hand and stroking it comfortingly. Jared looked down at Jeff’s legs. He was wearing his oldest sweatpants with mismatched trainers; in fact, Jared thought one of them was Jensen’s. For some reason, Jared thought this was the funniest thing he had ever seen. He was still laughing hysterically when the surgeon put him under for the delivery. 

The first thing Jared became aware of was Jeff’s voice. He was talking softly.

“Well, hello, little lady.” Jared stiffened; even under the drugs, he didn’t want to be referred to as a little lady. 

“Aren’t you beautiful.” Jared glowed; well, that was better. “What are we going to call you? I suppose we’re gonna have to wait for your daddy to wake up, but I think you look like a Mia. A pretty, little Mia.” Ah, the penny dropped.

“I like the name Mia,” croaked Jared, opening his eyes and seeing his daughter for the first time. She was beautiful, and Mia suited her perfectly. A tiny little thing, pink with a shock of curly brown hair, Jared couldn’t wait to hold her.

“Hey, baby,” Jeff purred, kissing him on the cheek, “look what we’ve done; aren’t we clever?” 

“We sure are.” Jared reached out for her and felt a wash of contentment as she was placed in his arms. He nuzzled her soft, warm head, feeling the fine baby hairs tickle his nose. “She’s perfect.”

Jared couldn’t wait to get home. Being in the hospital made him realize how much he loved his large, strange family. He missed Jensen, dammit! Almost as the thought passed through his mind, a head popped round the door. 

“Hey,” Jensen said as he came in clutching a huge white teddy bear adorned with a pink ribbon and a large bunch of balloons. He leaned over and kissed Jared on the cheek. Jared wrapped his hand around Jensen’s neck and pulled him in. Their lips met, gentle and tentative and sweet. Jensen murmured a small sigh, so quiet it could have been a breath. Jared intensified the kiss, his tongue gently exploring the seam of Jensen’s lips. Jensen yielded, opening his lips and letting Jared in. Their tongues met, causing a jolt of pleasure to Jared’s groin, and moaning, he broke the kiss. He looked at Jensen, his lips engorged from their kiss. 

“Hi,” he said shyly, and Jensen returned his smile, a slight blush on his face. “Can’t wait to get home.” 

“Can’t wait for you to get home,” Jensen replied, and there was a promise in those words. 

 

 

 

Of course, when Jared got home, it wasn’t immediately one, big orgy. Although Jensen couldn’t help but think about the possibilities of three men in that huge bed they had chosen, Jared needed to recuperate, and the baby was fractious, so they took things slowly. Sex was definitely in the cards; it wasn’t a case of if anymore but when, and Jensen damn well hoped it would be soon. 

He had been painting all day, and his neck hurt; it almost felt like something was grinding against his vertebrae. Moaning as he circled his head, he felt cool hands on his shoulders. They insinuated their way down the neck of his t-shirt, leaving a trail of goosebumps. Sighing, Jensen let his head fall back onto a broad chest as clever fingers worked on the knots and tightness in his upper back. 

“The painting looks great,” rumbled Jeff; the vibrations eased Jensen’s stiffness further. 

“Hmm,” was all he could manage. The painting was a portrait of the kids, all five of them. He had caught the wicked glint in Daisy’s eye, the naughtiness of Jesse, and the protectiveness of Daniel. Caleb, of course, was cuddling Mia, a look of sheer joy on his face; he was a big brother at last. 

He could feel the warmth of Jeff’s breath on his neck, sending shivers down his spine. Then Jeff pressed warm kisses down the side of his neck to his collar bone, and Jensen just dissolved. It had been so long since he had been touched like this, so long. 

“Gngh,” he grunted and felt Jeff’s breath huff a laugh against his neck.

“Come to my room,” he rumbled, and Jensen had no power to say no, even if he wanted to. He felt languid and pliable and let himself be led from the studio to Jeff’s room. 

Jeff’s room was the biggest in the house. The three of them had chosen the bed. It was so huge, they had to have specially made linens. It was the bed of Jensen’s dreams, big enough to hold three fully grown men with room to spare, or room for them to frolic around in any way. His dreams recently had centered around that bed and the things Jeff and Jared could do to him, and that he could do to them. He felt dizzy with desire but not so incoherent that he didn’t realize someone was missing. Stopping short of the bed, he looked at Jeff and raised an eyebrow. Smiling, Jeff shouted, “Jared!” Jensen shushed him. 

“Jeff!” he hissed. Don’t you dare wake the kids now.” Smirking, Jeff pulled him in for a kiss that made Jensen’s belly flip. It had been so long since he had been kissed by Jeff, and Jeff, he kissed like a pro. His lips, teeth, and tongue wrung sounds of desperation from Jensen. He felt rather than heard Jared coming up behind him. Then another pair of arms wound around him. Another mouth was on his neck. He was the filling in a very masculine sandwich. The scent of the two men possessing his every molecule was so overwhelming that his knees actually went weak. Jared chuckled in his ear; the sound was so dirty, Jensen’s cock strained at his trousers. Turning reluctantly from Jeff’s lips, Jensen found Jared’s, and they experienced their second proper kiss. Jared wasn’t as demanding as Jeff. His kiss was sweeter but no less powerful. Jensen thought his body would expire from overstimulation. He could feel Jeff working on his fly, then his trousers were falling to the floor. Jensen quickly got on board. Grabbing at Jared’s t-shirt, he pulled it up, and they parted lips as they pulled it over Jared’s head. 

Jensen took a moment to look at Jared. His body was all golden, sharp angles and smooth muscles, no hint of the roundness of pregnancy left. Jensen wanted to feast on it, taste every square inch, then start all over again. Like a starving man, Jensen fell upon Jared’s nipple, eliciting a moan from the larger man, nipping and sucking until the peak stood proud. Jensen could feel Jeff removing his boxers and caressing his ass. If this got any better, he would pass out. Licking down Jared’s torso, he reached the barrier of his jeans and made short work of undoing them and pulling them and his underwear down. Falling to his knees, he traced Jared’s treasure trail to the base of his cock. 

The room was heady with the smell of arousal and the sound of panting. He could feel Jeff’s legs press to his back, and as he swallowed Jared down, he looked up to see the other two men in his life kissing as if their lives depended on it. Jared broke the kiss to gasp as Jensen swirled his tongue around the end of Jared’s cock, paying attention to the weeping slit. With one hand, he reached down and caressed Jared’s testicles. God,) he tasted good, musky and virile and so alive. Reaching behind him, he felt Jeff’s legs, strong and hairy. He had missed this. 

The atmosphere within the room heightened everything. Every sensation made his body feel like it was on overload. He could feel Jeff’s hands on his hips, pulling him away from Jared, and he increased his suction, trying to maintain contact, but Jeff was too strong.

“On the bed,” Jeff rasped. His voice was thick with arousal.

Jensen looked up at Jared, and as one they obeyed, scrambling onto the huge bed, waiting there naked for Jeff.

“God, look at you two,” Jeff murmured, almost to himself; then he climbed sinuously onto the bed, prowling towards his two prey. Jensen was only able to watch as his husband crawled towards him. He had been rendered helpless, his limbs had ceased to work, but his eyes and his cock, well, they were in full working order. He turned his head slightly so that he could catch Jared in the periphery of his vision. Jared looked fine; his naked limbs were long and muscular. His skin looked golden and finely haired. Jensen wanted to taste again, but then Jeff was in his face, and his lips were on Jensen’s, so he lay back on the bed and lost himself in the kiss. 

 

 

 

 

God, it had been so long since he had kissed his boy, and here he was, all pretty and pliant. Groaning, he deepened the kiss while one of his hands reached out for Jared and drew him in. Then they were all kissing, a sloppy, three-way thing that should have been ridiculous but was, in fact, the hottest thing Jeff had ever experienced. Hands caressed heated flesh, groins bumped hips, and Jeff didn’t know where he ended and Jensen and Jared began. This, he thought, was how it should be. 

“I want to fuck you,” he groaned into Jensen’s ear, and although he didn’t hear the reply, he felt his husband nod. Laying him back on the bed, he reached for the lube as he felt Jared kiss down his spine. He prepared Jensen carefully; he knew he hadn’t had sex for a while, so he took his time: one finger, then two, and finally three. He watched Jensen’s face as he lay there writhing in ecstasy as he looked at Jeff with his lust-fogged eyes. Jared’s hands were everywhere, on his cock, his balls. Jeff bit his lip, hard, to stop himself coming prematurely. Then as he pushed into Jensen’s tight heat, he felt Jared tongue down his spine. He started to thrust in earnest, succumbing to the twin distractions of Jensen’s moans and Jared’s tongue as it insinuated itself between his cheeks, moving inexorably towards his hole. Oh God, then it was there, circling and pushing in, and Jeff couldn’t take anymore and came with a grunt. He fell to the side and looked at Jared kneeling there, a smug expression on his face. 

“You’ll get yours, boy,” Jeff panted, and he couldn’t help but feel he would have been taken more seriously if he hadn’t been so fucked out. Jared just grinned and pulled Jensen in for a kiss. The boys were both still hard, and Jeff watched with pleasure as they turned as one and each took the other’s cock into their mouths. It was like watching a living porno; Jeff couldn’t wait to see Jared fuck Jensen, then Jensen fucks Jared and then one or both of them could fuck him - the possibilities were endless. He reached out and touched the warm skin; so much better than a porno, he thought as he slipped his finger into Jensen’s loosened hole, eliciting a gasp from him. He pushed forward until he found his prostate, then rubbed over and over again, watching enthralled as Jensen panted and then came in Jared’s mouth with a moan.

Jared was still hard, and as Jensen collapsed bonelessly on the bed, he crawled up over the man until his cock prodded Jensen’s well-used hole. Looking down at the exhausted man, he watched as Jensen nodded; then he pushed forward, and Jeff could see the effect fucking Jensen was having on the younger man. His eyes were glazed, and sweat ran down his face as he fucked hard. Jensen made weak attempts to thrust back, and Jeff reached between the two men and tried to stimulate Jensen’s cock. The room filled with harsh pants and pleasured moans as Jared reached his climax and collapsed on top of Jensen. Jeff pulled him off, and Jared ended up sandwiched between his two men as they lay there sated. 

Eventually, Jensen drawled wryly, “What the hell took us so long?”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
